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SWF seeks ???: Katharine Magary, 19, student in Pasadena. Likes beach walks at sunset, sing-song poetry, constructed languages and geology. INTP. Foot mutant and keeper of the Devil's Haircut. Will not pay your rent on minimum wage.
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email: email
AIM: pailblusea
ICQ: 12670431
Y!: durlomiel
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maanantai, joulukuu 31
A NEW LIST
promises i can't keep:
promises i can't keep:
- include music in my posts
- stop procrastinating
- stop obsessing over things that will never happen
- go to senior prom
- make new friends
- finish reading everything i've started
- more creative titles
THE WAY TO FIND OUT
about oldfriends enemies classmates. not in the alumnae magazine, but in the city newspaper. joy.
toto makes her debut.
about old
toto makes her debut.
AND YOU WILL BE QUEEN
i stole this idea from hanhan and lauren.
i am so self-centered. and i have a bad memory. so this is not a very good summary of 2001.
me: a year in review
january: woke up sometime on new year's day to the sound of my mother banging pots and pans together and meredith wheezing from cat hair in the room. sometime later, took the sat for the first time in four years. that same day was my second webcast event. this marks one year of working at the explo. later that month: finals, and the annual getting very sick during finals week. the highlight: having auditory hallucinations during my english final. spent the next week lying apathetically in bed on in the living room.
february: my first science bowl competition. we win third place in the regionals, but i am disappointed in myself for screwing things up. also: i finally have good teachers, except for ms. daffner, who i shall spend the next semester complaining about. the start of survivor 2, if that means anything.
march: an uninteresting month. i spend my afternoons on various committees for my class, accomplshing very little but having some fun.
april: i turn 17, enabling me to see r-rated movies. (i don't take advantage of my new id until the summer.) one day i receive big news from college: i have been accepted to berkeley so i can take classes there as a senior. i rejoice: i thought my chances of getting in were slim to none. also: spring break takes me to socal for disneyland and five college visits.
may: stress month: finals and ap exams. havign never taken an ap before, i freak out about biology and spanish, studying madly at the last minute. during my spanish exam, there are recording issues. it is the last month i will see the graduating seniors. sad. i think about how next year i will be leaving too. get accepted to shield and scroll, an honors society i come to dislike by the end of the summer.
june: graduation. beginning of this blog. the start of my summer job. the dissolving of speakeasy (the hideout of the former firemarble crew) due to the mutual dislike of brandon. i still don't care about their silly politics, but i lament the breakup of everyone. also: i see radiohead live at the shoreline. the highlight of my year.
july: my first week spent alone at home while my parents are in italy and my sister at camp. i continue commuting and decide that i really dislike my job because what i do is tedious and i don't like my department. and i really don't like the program supervisor, also my former biology teacher, dr. hill.
august: end of my job. a nice presentation. i go to camp for the first time since fourth grade, meet a lot of really cool and interesting people from around the country (and even the world.) start my senior year wearing a red beanie. my sister starts high school with me. i like my few classes, even math. especially physics. also: i return to berkeley, last time being summer 2000. this time i am officially a freshman.
september: starts well, ends badly. world events take over my life. beginning of a not-so-great period in my life. i become scared of the outside world. also: i join the aca-deca team at school which takes time, but i meet new people, something i desperately needed.
october: receive notification that i am a national merit semifinalist. meanwhile: college applications begin to rule my life. the more i try to progress, the less i seem able to do. at the last minute, i turn one in. a painstaking process.
november: the more i try, the less i get done. social problems involving my reluctance to date. more applications, more stress. the days get shorter and darker.
december: end of the semester at berkeley. a deadline: before christmas. the low point of the year. severe depression yields me completely unable to do anything for short periods of time, unable to sleep, talk, eat, and especially fill out applications. this lasts about three weeks. eventually i turn in all my applications well before the due date set by the universities. i am deferred by one college and rejected as a person. the end of the month is boring but better.
i hope 2002 is a good year.
i stole this idea from hanhan and lauren.
i am so self-centered. and i have a bad memory. so this is not a very good summary of 2001.
me: a year in review
january: woke up sometime on new year's day to the sound of my mother banging pots and pans together and meredith wheezing from cat hair in the room. sometime later, took the sat for the first time in four years. that same day was my second webcast event. this marks one year of working at the explo. later that month: finals, and the annual getting very sick during finals week. the highlight: having auditory hallucinations during my english final. spent the next week lying apathetically in bed on in the living room.
february: my first science bowl competition. we win third place in the regionals, but i am disappointed in myself for screwing things up. also: i finally have good teachers, except for ms. daffner, who i shall spend the next semester complaining about. the start of survivor 2, if that means anything.
march: an uninteresting month. i spend my afternoons on various committees for my class, accomplshing very little but having some fun.
april: i turn 17, enabling me to see r-rated movies. (i don't take advantage of my new id until the summer.) one day i receive big news from college: i have been accepted to berkeley so i can take classes there as a senior. i rejoice: i thought my chances of getting in were slim to none. also: spring break takes me to socal for disneyland and five college visits.
may: stress month: finals and ap exams. havign never taken an ap before, i freak out about biology and spanish, studying madly at the last minute. during my spanish exam, there are recording issues. it is the last month i will see the graduating seniors. sad. i think about how next year i will be leaving too. get accepted to shield and scroll, an honors society i come to dislike by the end of the summer.
june: graduation. beginning of this blog. the start of my summer job. the dissolving of speakeasy (the hideout of the former firemarble crew) due to the mutual dislike of brandon. i still don't care about their silly politics, but i lament the breakup of everyone. also: i see radiohead live at the shoreline. the highlight of my year.
july: my first week spent alone at home while my parents are in italy and my sister at camp. i continue commuting and decide that i really dislike my job because what i do is tedious and i don't like my department. and i really don't like the program supervisor, also my former biology teacher, dr. hill.
august: end of my job. a nice presentation. i go to camp for the first time since fourth grade, meet a lot of really cool and interesting people from around the country (and even the world.) start my senior year wearing a red beanie. my sister starts high school with me. i like my few classes, even math. especially physics. also: i return to berkeley, last time being summer 2000. this time i am officially a freshman.
september: starts well, ends badly. world events take over my life. beginning of a not-so-great period in my life. i become scared of the outside world. also: i join the aca-deca team at school which takes time, but i meet new people, something i desperately needed.
october: receive notification that i am a national merit semifinalist. meanwhile: college applications begin to rule my life. the more i try to progress, the less i seem able to do. at the last minute, i turn one in. a painstaking process.
november: the more i try, the less i get done. social problems involving my reluctance to date. more applications, more stress. the days get shorter and darker.
december: end of the semester at berkeley. a deadline: before christmas. the low point of the year. severe depression yields me completely unable to do anything for short periods of time, unable to sleep, talk, eat, and especially fill out applications. this lasts about three weeks. eventually i turn in all my applications well before the due date set by the universities. i am deferred by one college and rejected as a person. the end of the month is boring but better.
i hope 2002 is a good year.
sunnuntai, joulukuu 30
FUTURE PET NAMES
when i am an old woman with cats, they shall be named schrodinger and gollum, the former being a smart young cat and the latter being weird and gruesome yet somehow pitiful enough to keep around. and i won't feed them milk substitute. (i suspect matt will have used it all up thinking it hot chocolate.)
when i am an old woman with cats, they shall be named schrodinger and gollum, the former being a smart young cat and the latter being weird and gruesome yet somehow pitiful enough to keep around. and i won't feed them milk substitute. (i suspect matt will have used it all up thinking it hot chocolate.)
SOME DRIVEL ABOUT LEARNING TO LOVE AND BE LOVED OR WHATEVER
embarrassments: having to look for lost shoes after the study session yesterday afternoon, being permanently at a loss for words while telling stories in the middle of the night
accomplishments: finally getting gifts out the door, perfecting my left-footed version of the karin dance, designing the perfect chair for cats which will never be built
so i have finally seen the inside of andrea's house after so long. everyone has been to my house, no matter how full of cat hair it is. slept on the couch last night until 10 this morning, then lay around trying to look asleep for longer. i watched two movies: the mexican and moulin rouge although i've seen both already. the latter i saw last week sometime, so the songs were fresh running through my head. that was at 3am. the former i watched on september 11 when the news was running over and over and there was no news i wanted to watch. the video sat there, so i watched it. what a dumb movie, really, and a dumb memory.
i neglected to mention the news which came from the college board last week, on the night before christmas when all through the house everyone was getting dressed for church or something and there it was on the counter: the news that i had surpassed the final obstacle. my scores were there from the last sat i would ever take. (not the last i'll hear from the board. i expect some mail from them related to my ap scores in july or sometime like that.) however, i was pleased with my second-time's the charm 780 on the math iic, representing a 30-point improvement, and only 20 points from my goal, which i really didn't expect to actually get. there are plenty of people out there with their 800 who i guess will be competing with me but i can't do anything now.
embarrassments: having to look for lost shoes after the study session yesterday afternoon, being permanently at a loss for words while telling stories in the middle of the night
accomplishments: finally getting gifts out the door, perfecting my left-footed version of the karin dance, designing the perfect chair for cats which will never be built
so i have finally seen the inside of andrea's house after so long. everyone has been to my house, no matter how full of cat hair it is. slept on the couch last night until 10 this morning, then lay around trying to look asleep for longer. i watched two movies: the mexican and moulin rouge although i've seen both already. the latter i saw last week sometime, so the songs were fresh running through my head. that was at 3am. the former i watched on september 11 when the news was running over and over and there was no news i wanted to watch. the video sat there, so i watched it. what a dumb movie, really, and a dumb memory.
i neglected to mention the news which came from the college board last week, on the night before christmas when all through the house everyone was getting dressed for church or something and there it was on the counter: the news that i had surpassed the final obstacle. my scores were there from the last sat i would ever take. (not the last i'll hear from the board. i expect some mail from them related to my ap scores in july or sometime like that.) however, i was pleased with my second-time's the charm 780 on the math iic, representing a 30-point improvement, and only 20 points from my goal, which i really didn't expect to actually get. there are plenty of people out there with their 800 who i guess will be competing with me but i can't do anything now.
lauantai, joulukuu 29
*YAWN*
the weirdest feeling is talking to someone after a long period of silence. or finding out about an old friend. yesterday i talked to ro, as he's been on my buddy list for some time, but i wasn't sure if it was him or someone else. anyway, i asked him about things, and we had an extremely brief interchange. he actually remembered me rather well, which scares me a little, because no one ever remembers who i am. anyway, he told me danny's fine, and he finally has a girlfriend. good for him. it's nice to see some people have changed. julie says that i haven't really changed, or maybe she told someone that. i thought i had, but now that i think about it, i am pretty similar to the person i was four years ago.
in about two months it will be my four-year anniversary at writers of d'ni. i'm still in contact with my old friends there, and i've sort of made up with old foes. but then i've tried to avoid making new ones. they say the internet helps one open up to new people, but i swear i'm just as shy online as i am in real life. if anything, i've opened up a little in the real world only to not meet new people online. so i don't know.
stupid introspection.
jonah and jeffrey are coming over soon so we can study science. then i'm going to andrea's house to celebrate her birthday a little late.
the weirdest feeling is talking to someone after a long period of silence. or finding out about an old friend. yesterday i talked to ro, as he's been on my buddy list for some time, but i wasn't sure if it was him or someone else. anyway, i asked him about things, and we had an extremely brief interchange. he actually remembered me rather well, which scares me a little, because no one ever remembers who i am. anyway, he told me danny's fine, and he finally has a girlfriend. good for him. it's nice to see some people have changed. julie says that i haven't really changed, or maybe she told someone that. i thought i had, but now that i think about it, i am pretty similar to the person i was four years ago.
in about two months it will be my four-year anniversary at writers of d'ni. i'm still in contact with my old friends there, and i've sort of made up with old foes. but then i've tried to avoid making new ones. they say the internet helps one open up to new people, but i swear i'm just as shy online as i am in real life. if anything, i've opened up a little in the real world only to not meet new people online. so i don't know.
stupid introspection.
jonah and jeffrey are coming over soon so we can study science. then i'm going to andrea's house to celebrate her birthday a little late.
perjantai, joulukuu 28
I HAVE JOINED THE RANKS
i saw lord of the rings today. i liked it. all those years of hanging out with certain people i guess has finally rubbed off on me, and although i have read about 20 pages of the whole series, 6 or 7 years ago, i still recognized all the names and reputations of almost every character and place. thanks to dov, max, jason, tobi, per, ro, tamen, etc.
but i still think i'll have nightmares about gollum. most disturbing idea, imho.
i saw lord of the rings today. i liked it. all those years of hanging out with certain people i guess has finally rubbed off on me, and although i have read about 20 pages of the whole series, 6 or 7 years ago, i still recognized all the names and reputations of almost every character and place. thanks to dov, max, jason, tobi, per, ro, tamen, etc.
but i still think i'll have nightmares about gollum. most disturbing idea, imho.
NOT A BUNDLE OF RADIATION JOY HAPPINESS
i'm sore right now. i don't know why, i just feel like i need some painkillers or something. but thst would put me to sleep (it's the only thing that does) and so i won't until later. went to the mall earlier when i said i'd do some work, but at least i've finished my shopping except becca's present but i know what that is. so i don't have to worry there.
a question: how many skin care/candle stores do they really need in one mall? and who buys those things, other than, well, everyone? that is, for other people's thoughtless gifts of soap and/or candles, for that special someone that you don't know very well and think needs cucumber hand lotion? so a few new ones popped up in the last few days, evidently. karin took me into one of them to show me where leci broke up with sam (who cares?) and then i got absorbed by their sample q-tips, which have different tips at each end to better apply lip gunk or whatever.
anyway, who did i bump into in one of the skin stores but david moggia (now that i've gotten past david #26, i've had to attach last names) who is in seattle studying art now. anyway, he's pretty much the same. anyway, i told him that we miss him at work which was a stupid comment because he told me he's going to work tomorrow to say hi. no one will remember him, even though he worked for a long time, because all the people are new and self-absorbed. when i come back next year, if i do, the only people who will remember me, if any, will be dar and fernando and shawn, who i presume will finally have a real office position by then. oh, and evan, if he's still around, which i guess he will be, because he's turning into all those permanent installations. he quit what, almost two years ago, and still pops up monthly, and he still remembers my name and the fact that i'm quiet when i'm there, or that i was, and then i wasn't, and now i am again.
watched: the day of the jackal and survivor was no real surprise tonight. i knew they'd get rid of the cute one like last year's elisabeth because who would want to compete against a squirrel?
i'm sore right now. i don't know why, i just feel like i need some painkillers or something. but thst would put me to sleep (it's the only thing that does) and so i won't until later. went to the mall earlier when i said i'd do some work, but at least i've finished my shopping except becca's present but i know what that is. so i don't have to worry there.
a question: how many skin care/candle stores do they really need in one mall? and who buys those things, other than, well, everyone? that is, for other people's thoughtless gifts of soap and/or candles, for that special someone that you don't know very well and think needs cucumber hand lotion? so a few new ones popped up in the last few days, evidently. karin took me into one of them to show me where leci broke up with sam (who cares?) and then i got absorbed by their sample q-tips, which have different tips at each end to better apply lip gunk or whatever.
anyway, who did i bump into in one of the skin stores but david moggia (now that i've gotten past david #26, i've had to attach last names) who is in seattle studying art now. anyway, he's pretty much the same. anyway, i told him that we miss him at work which was a stupid comment because he told me he's going to work tomorrow to say hi. no one will remember him, even though he worked for a long time, because all the people are new and self-absorbed. when i come back next year, if i do, the only people who will remember me, if any, will be dar and fernando and shawn, who i presume will finally have a real office position by then. oh, and evan, if he's still around, which i guess he will be, because he's turning into all those permanent installations. he quit what, almost two years ago, and still pops up monthly, and he still remembers my name and the fact that i'm quiet when i'm there, or that i was, and then i wasn't, and now i am again.
watched: the day of the jackal and survivor was no real surprise tonight. i knew they'd get rid of the cute one like last year's elisabeth because who would want to compete against a squirrel?
torstai, joulukuu 27
FIZZIX
well, yesterday was no update because of a blogger security issue. it wasn't interesting though -- i spent the day at home playing with things. i made some soap, which came out okay but karin put too much scent into it- like half the bottle per bar when the bottle label said it was enough for ten pounds. so now i have this incredibly smelly soap that i can smell from like ten feet away even when it's wrapped up. it was fun making it though. i should go out and get some more glycerin base so i can make more. i also went out to a fabric store with my sister because she needed to make a quilt thing for her history class. that was pretty much it.
nancy called the minute i woke up yesterday wondering if i wanted to attend her physics study party that she was planning to have at james' house. of course, she hadn't notified him that he was the host yet, so she wasn't sure if it would actually happen. later she called and said he didn't want a physics party, and even so, he'd rather have it at my house, so if we ever end up having one, it'll be here. i bet he doesn't want me to know he lives in a dungeon or something. (not really, i know he lives about a block from meredith, and there aren't hovels anywhere near there.)
today i woke up and we decided to look at the grrr family, this bunch of model animals i used to play with when i was eight or so. i keep them in a can under the bench in my room. karin and i decided to label them all, but that required renaming them, which was quite a task. (i was an odd child. i thought all these animals were related, evidently, because they're all a family. most bears and large cats, but i have some hippos and butterflies and rabbits in there too.)
well, yesterday was no update because of a blogger security issue. it wasn't interesting though -- i spent the day at home playing with things. i made some soap, which came out okay but karin put too much scent into it- like half the bottle per bar when the bottle label said it was enough for ten pounds. so now i have this incredibly smelly soap that i can smell from like ten feet away even when it's wrapped up. it was fun making it though. i should go out and get some more glycerin base so i can make more. i also went out to a fabric store with my sister because she needed to make a quilt thing for her history class. that was pretty much it.
nancy called the minute i woke up yesterday wondering if i wanted to attend her physics study party that she was planning to have at james' house. of course, she hadn't notified him that he was the host yet, so she wasn't sure if it would actually happen. later she called and said he didn't want a physics party, and even so, he'd rather have it at my house, so if we ever end up having one, it'll be here. i bet he doesn't want me to know he lives in a dungeon or something. (not really, i know he lives about a block from meredith, and there aren't hovels anywhere near there.)
today i woke up and we decided to look at the grrr family, this bunch of model animals i used to play with when i was eight or so. i keep them in a can under the bench in my room. karin and i decided to label them all, but that required renaming them, which was quite a task. (i was an odd child. i thought all these animals were related, evidently, because they're all a family. most bears and large cats, but i have some hippos and butterflies and rabbits in there too.)
tiistai, joulukuu 25
POWERED BY MUSIC
i don't know if i can stand it anymore. my mother has been listening to 36 hours of straight, commercial-free holiday music on the radio.
so today was a happy day for those who like commercial holidays and materialism, myself included. got up late in order to give my grandmother time to arrive, got up, burned some breakfast...waited for a while before everyone finally got in one room and started opening packages. i got a lot of clothes, which i expected. of course, now i'm expected to get rid of some old stuff, which is semi-impossible for me, the packrat. other than clothes, i got a few books, some random things like a surfing polar bear paperweight (difficult to describe, i'm afraid), and my family got a dvd player. i've been watching monty python's flying circus all day, or at least for the last few hours.
i've gotten a card from katya, who is now living in monaco...i wonder how she is. i haven't seen her since graduation. i talked to becca the other day. evidently when she moved to france after freshman or sophomore year, whenever it was, no one really heard from her. (not that they cared to, i suppose.) anyway, in the card, there is a picture, and she looks as picturesque as she always did, sort of angelic and perfect, but not in the "i had the highest gpa of our graduating class" way. and speaking of people i used to know, i saw robert at church yesterday lighting candles. i wonder how it is since he quit lowell and went off to deerfield to be a preppy young east-coaster. i rather enjoy not having to not speak to him now. after carpooling with hm for two years i don't think i said very much. sort of the way anna says nothing.
hm...
i don't know if i can stand it anymore. my mother has been listening to 36 hours of straight, commercial-free holiday music on the radio.
so today was a happy day for those who like commercial holidays and materialism, myself included. got up late in order to give my grandmother time to arrive, got up, burned some breakfast...waited for a while before everyone finally got in one room and started opening packages. i got a lot of clothes, which i expected. of course, now i'm expected to get rid of some old stuff, which is semi-impossible for me, the packrat. other than clothes, i got a few books, some random things like a surfing polar bear paperweight (difficult to describe, i'm afraid), and my family got a dvd player. i've been watching monty python's flying circus all day, or at least for the last few hours.
i've gotten a card from katya, who is now living in monaco...i wonder how she is. i haven't seen her since graduation. i talked to becca the other day. evidently when she moved to france after freshman or sophomore year, whenever it was, no one really heard from her. (not that they cared to, i suppose.) anyway, in the card, there is a picture, and she looks as picturesque as she always did, sort of angelic and perfect, but not in the "i had the highest gpa of our graduating class" way. and speaking of people i used to know, i saw robert at church yesterday lighting candles. i wonder how it is since he quit lowell and went off to deerfield to be a preppy young east-coaster. i rather enjoy not having to not speak to him now. after carpooling with hm for two years i don't think i said very much. sort of the way anna says nothing.
hm...
maanantai, joulukuu 24
TWAS THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS
and all through the house, not a creature was stirring until noon. got up, wrapped presents, lunked around for a while being happy about ALL MY APPLICATIONS BEING TURNED IN, and then left to go to church around 3 this afternoon. this is the first time in 17 years that i haven't been in the pageant, and that is something to be thankful for. i was highly amused by it, though. karin and mary and jenny took a new meaning to the phrase "shepherds quake at the sight" while they did a sort of synchronized bobbing dance to "angels we have heard on high". 'twas interesting.
and all through the house, not a creature was stirring until noon. got up, wrapped presents, lunked around for a while being happy about ALL MY APPLICATIONS BEING TURNED IN, and then left to go to church around 3 this afternoon. this is the first time in 17 years that i haven't been in the pageant, and that is something to be thankful for. i was highly amused by it, though. karin and mary and jenny took a new meaning to the phrase "shepherds quake at the sight" while they did a sort of synchronized bobbing dance to "angels we have heard on high". 'twas interesting.
lauantai, joulukuu 22
ALMOST THERE
i have successfully completed an entire application today! while everyone was out making cookies, i wrote an appropriate essay about experiences i haven't had, and stuck it all in an envelope to mail to pasadena.
that is all i have to say.
i have successfully completed an entire application today! while everyone was out making cookies, i wrote an appropriate essay about experiences i haven't had, and stuck it all in an envelope to mail to pasadena.
that is all i have to say.
perjantai, joulukuu 21
NO QUIET
and they arrived, taking all the silence.
there is a horde of freshpeople in my house.
this morning i got to schoo an hour early because karin had a meeting. then, realizing i had forgotten (horror of horrors) to bring tissues for james and xi, i made a run to albertson's to buy some. kleenex was $4 for 3 boxes, so i got an extra (and gave it to peter), as well as some balloons for andrea's birthday.
today was winterfaire. i ended up spending more time selling tickets than anything else, as no one came to take over my position after my shift was over. i had some wonderful conversations with the sophomore class sponsor about money, or something related. meanwhile, i was hungry-- all i had eaten was a quesadilla and a waffle, and i wanted more. but that never happened. the most amusing performance was the social studies department's dance to mary j. blige's "family affair", although i'm sure chris and jon would have liked their "the chris an jon strip show" to be better. (chris's microphone wasn't working for the whole skit.)
after school i went to meredith's for a bit, then went home so i could get my stuff. then the freshpeople arrived and started making noise. among the noisemaking activities they did:
"let's do a tribal chant!" *banging on the table ensues"
someone stole leci's hat, causing her to whine for an hour
etc.
i left when the scent of incense was too strong.
and they arrived, taking all the silence.
there is a horde of freshpeople in my house.
this morning i got to schoo an hour early because karin had a meeting. then, realizing i had forgotten (horror of horrors) to bring tissues for james and xi, i made a run to albertson's to buy some. kleenex was $4 for 3 boxes, so i got an extra (and gave it to peter), as well as some balloons for andrea's birthday.
today was winterfaire. i ended up spending more time selling tickets than anything else, as no one came to take over my position after my shift was over. i had some wonderful conversations with the sophomore class sponsor about money, or something related. meanwhile, i was hungry-- all i had eaten was a quesadilla and a waffle, and i wanted more. but that never happened. the most amusing performance was the social studies department's dance to mary j. blige's "family affair", although i'm sure chris and jon would have liked their "the chris an jon strip show" to be better. (chris's microphone wasn't working for the whole skit.)
after school i went to meredith's for a bit, then went home so i could get my stuff. then the freshpeople arrived and started making noise. among the noisemaking activities they did:
"let's do a tribal chant!" *banging on the table ensues"
someone stole leci's hat, causing her to whine for an hour
etc.
i left when the scent of incense was too strong.
torstai, joulukuu 20
keskiviikko, joulukuu 19
IN NEW YORK
so congrats, sarah, for getting into williams.
after watching dawson's creek like the pathetic teenage soul that i am, i am either thoroughly convinced that it's unhealthy to know high school friends after graduation or that it is completely fun to be able to go to college all in the same town as one's cronies. so maybe xi has a point after all. not that living, say, 100 miles apart is like living in the same town, but it's an improvement over living on opposite coasts. i think i'd miss everyone if i lived 3000 miles away.
today was not particularly eventful. the most exciting this i did all day was play mash at the bus stop with meredith: evidently she will marry dmitry the trash compactor, become queen of modesto, and live in a shack. oh, and drive an electric bug.
so congrats, sarah, for getting into williams.
after watching dawson's creek like the pathetic teenage soul that i am, i am either thoroughly convinced that it's unhealthy to know high school friends after graduation or that it is completely fun to be able to go to college all in the same town as one's cronies. so maybe xi has a point after all. not that living, say, 100 miles apart is like living in the same town, but it's an improvement over living on opposite coasts. i think i'd miss everyone if i lived 3000 miles away.
today was not particularly eventful. the most exciting this i did all day was play mash at the bus stop with meredith: evidently she will marry dmitry the trash compactor, become queen of modesto, and live in a shack. oh, and drive an electric bug.
tiistai, joulukuu 18
ADDENDUM
on a side note: by the end of our pleasant little conversation, i did sort of want to get in. i mean, the thought of having parties with my classmates from high school does appeal to me slightly more than thinking about having get-togethers with my burke's classmates. most of them, anyway. i have nothing against a select few. i far prefer my high school class. a party with xi would seem like heaven compared to having a party with, say, toto, natalie and kate b. (from burke's.) or sarah s. and marie. but i won't imagine horrible things anymore.
on a side note: by the end of our pleasant little conversation, i did sort of want to get in. i mean, the thought of having parties with my classmates from high school does appeal to me slightly more than thinking about having get-togethers with my burke's classmates. most of them, anyway. i have nothing against a select few. i far prefer my high school class. a party with xi would seem like heaven compared to having a party with, say, toto, natalie and kate b. (from burke's.) or sarah s. and marie. but i won't imagine horrible things anymore.
JUST THE SIGHT OF YOU MAKES NIGHTTIME BRIGHT
so todayin calc today, xi was talking to me. (james cut physics, i stole his seat in calc because i thought he wasn't at school at all. he arrived eventually, but i was left next to xi, queen of perfection and now senioritis guilt.) she decided that it would be so fun if she and max and james and me all had little parties in college and went to visit each other and this would just be perfect (etc.) and fun and by the time we had our fifth reunion (with her as the alumni coordinator, of course) i would be making millions. yeah right, i told her, i'll be a starving grad student living in a cardboard box. i might even have just that to wear to our reunion. but anyway.
i know it's cruel and mean and all, but i somehow take pleasure in hearing that michael got deferred from stanford. he's a cheat and a liar, plus he harrasses everyone, including me. and he bought his essay for $700. it mentions something about a father dying of cancer. then, of course, in the family info section of the application, he mentions that his father is still alive, and for good measure, his father signs it. to me, that is the epitome of stupidity and the guy deserves not to get in.
i was deferred. i was expecting it. so now my application will be reconsidered against, i dunno, 10,000 others in march, and they'll reject me after that. but i don't care too much; i had second thoughts and i don't know if i would have accepted if i had even gotten in. there go by opportunities to have tea parties with xi. can't say i feel too bad about it. i wonder if dennis got in.
so todayin calc today, xi was talking to me. (james cut physics, i stole his seat in calc because i thought he wasn't at school at all. he arrived eventually, but i was left next to xi, queen of perfection and now senioritis guilt.) she decided that it would be so fun if she and max and james and me all had little parties in college and went to visit each other and this would just be perfect (etc.) and fun and by the time we had our fifth reunion (with her as the alumni coordinator, of course) i would be making millions. yeah right, i told her, i'll be a starving grad student living in a cardboard box. i might even have just that to wear to our reunion. but anyway.
i know it's cruel and mean and all, but i somehow take pleasure in hearing that michael got deferred from stanford. he's a cheat and a liar, plus he harrasses everyone, including me. and he bought his essay for $700. it mentions something about a father dying of cancer. then, of course, in the family info section of the application, he mentions that his father is still alive, and for good measure, his father signs it. to me, that is the epitome of stupidity and the guy deserves not to get in.
i was deferred. i was expecting it. so now my application will be reconsidered against, i dunno, 10,000 others in march, and they'll reject me after that. but i don't care too much; i had second thoughts and i don't know if i would have accepted if i had even gotten in. there go by opportunities to have tea parties with xi. can't say i feel too bad about it. i wonder if dennis got in.
maanantai, joulukuu 17
CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU
everyone has gotten into college. or so it seems to me: james got into yale today, max got into columbia, cecelia, daria and jen to stanford...other people to other places, i suppose. so now i'm just waiting for a while to get my rejection letter. "late december" probably means they send it on december 31, just after you've submitted everything else. oh well.
so i had a relatively good day today. saw a lot of former lowellites roaming the halls: sam, julia, kelly and dario were all there today. fontaine was around last friday. i suppose it's only a matter of time before erica comes back and talks about how great stanford is, and something blah blah blah about star trek. meanwhile, i have a cold and a sinus that feels like it's about to explode. sorry for the graphic details, but that's why i wasn't terribly productive today.
on another note: i finally went off my no-cd-buying fast: nancy used her 40% discount at virgin for me, so i finally got the imbw single (alex was on the verge of killing me), as well as other albums i was dying to get.
everyone has gotten into college. or so it seems to me: james got into yale today, max got into columbia, cecelia, daria and jen to stanford...other people to other places, i suppose. so now i'm just waiting for a while to get my rejection letter. "late december" probably means they send it on december 31, just after you've submitted everything else. oh well.
so i had a relatively good day today. saw a lot of former lowellites roaming the halls: sam, julia, kelly and dario were all there today. fontaine was around last friday. i suppose it's only a matter of time before erica comes back and talks about how great stanford is, and something blah blah blah about star trek. meanwhile, i have a cold and a sinus that feels like it's about to explode. sorry for the graphic details, but that's why i wasn't terribly productive today.
on another note: i finally went off my no-cd-buying fast: nancy used her 40% discount at virgin for me, so i finally got the imbw single (alex was on the verge of killing me), as well as other albums i was dying to get.
sunnuntai, joulukuu 16
PART DEUX
so last night i saw ocean's 11 with friends. that was the highlight of my day, except for not having to see my family all day while they were at denisen's baby's birthday party. (family news: whitney is having a blast at davis majoring in genetics, and she claims it doesn't really smell like cows there. chris finally got a job as a fireman in san bruno.) the movie was good. i recommend it to people who like to watch elaborate plans be carried out, which i do. except we didn't really have seats. watched trailers in the front row before we decided it was to dizzying, then moved to the stairs. walking around west portal at night in the cold later, looking for a dress in goodwill.
of course, it all ended later, as soon as i got home. i still had to complete two apps that day, but it turned out one of my online accounts had gotten screwed up somewhere, so i had to fill out all of part one again. i had the essays, but i was tired...of course, trying to go to bed had no real benefit, i just sat in about an inch of water in the bathtub crying for half an hour, then trying unsuccessfully to sleep.
work today was better than i expected. i managed to avoid people most of the day, and i didn't have any unwanted run-ins with new people who think they know more than me. i was left out of the secret santa thing though. no one bothered to tell me. but i have no money anyway. by about 11:30 i was not feeling well again though and had to go into the first aid roomto lie down. the rest of the day there was uneventful. on the way home, fought with my dad again about the subject. evidently he blames me for the "family turmoil" we are having. if everyone would just not worry about me, it would be fine. at home, it was more of the same. i tried to do econ and ended up on my floor crying for about an hour. the low point of my day. but tonight i turned in two applications. paid and all.
so last night i saw ocean's 11 with friends. that was the highlight of my day, except for not having to see my family all day while they were at denisen's baby's birthday party. (family news: whitney is having a blast at davis majoring in genetics, and she claims it doesn't really smell like cows there. chris finally got a job as a fireman in san bruno.) the movie was good. i recommend it to people who like to watch elaborate plans be carried out, which i do. except we didn't really have seats. watched trailers in the front row before we decided it was to dizzying, then moved to the stairs. walking around west portal at night in the cold later, looking for a dress in goodwill.
of course, it all ended later, as soon as i got home. i still had to complete two apps that day, but it turned out one of my online accounts had gotten screwed up somewhere, so i had to fill out all of part one again. i had the essays, but i was tired...of course, trying to go to bed had no real benefit, i just sat in about an inch of water in the bathtub crying for half an hour, then trying unsuccessfully to sleep.
work today was better than i expected. i managed to avoid people most of the day, and i didn't have any unwanted run-ins with new people who think they know more than me. i was left out of the secret santa thing though. no one bothered to tell me. but i have no money anyway. by about 11:30 i was not feeling well again though and had to go into the first aid roomto lie down. the rest of the day there was uneventful. on the way home, fought with my dad again about the subject. evidently he blames me for the "family turmoil" we are having. if everyone would just not worry about me, it would be fine. at home, it was more of the same. i tried to do econ and ended up on my floor crying for about an hour. the low point of my day. but tonight i turned in two applications. paid and all.
lauantai, joulukuu 15
EPISODE RECAP 1
karin's birthday
thursday was not a good day for me. i was thinking all day about my calc test, which was not fun. i was tired for some reason, so i tried to take a nap in all my free time. my tutee stood me up yet again. (he keeps asking me to help him, now with math instead of spanish, but then he's never there.) except at the end of the day, when i tried unsuccessfully to work out some physics problems with james. (he forgot he had asked me to do this. so i went looking for him in the journ room, where it turned out he was in a meeting with the entire staff of the paper. alisa shot me this cold glare.) after school, i went to science bowl, but that was really not what i needed. i was late after james asked me to turn in his ballot for him, and then i was banished to sit at this side table with no partner. everyone was there, at least. but at that point, i was not feeling well, and every little berating comment dr. hill made toward me or someone else just made me feel even worse. we're not like paul lujan or dario or any of those people. i try as hard as i can, all day, to deal with my deficiencies in math. (i just keep getting slower and my work keeps getting worse.) and then it's "that's correct, but the other team will get that faster." coming from someone who doesn't know how to read an equation properly. so by the end of practice, i just wanted to get out as quickly as possible and go crawl into a hole and cry.
but of course, i had to go to hibbard's lecture on waves and stuff, which i would have normally enjoyed. i didn't, though. too tired, didn't want to put up with ben and other people who annoy me. it ended before 6, so i hung out for a while then decided to get the econ test over with and headed down to counseling, where there was no one to bug me and no one who cared about me. a relief. except the test was not what was in the packet, and i think i did badly. morris, of course, had to grade it in front of me, which i didn't want, so i left. waited outside for a while. eventually i went home, but the first thing i heard was "work on your applications" and then some yelling. i went into my room and tried to do physics, then at dinner, karin wanted pizza, so we had some...i left almost immediately because it was obvious that i could have been doing more productive things. which was untrue. if anything, i was at my least productive point in the day. i went into the bathroom and cried for no reason, i just felt horrible. lay on the floor and sobbed for half an hour, went into my room and lay down and stared at the wall. there was just a block on my head. tried some more physics and then my apps, but only got one form done. went to bed early that night, but it took forever to sleep.
the next day i wasn't much better. before english i tried sleeping, but anatoly kept telling me about his chances of getting into stanford. it was early notification day; i had forgotten. xi found out sometime between calc and econ about harvard. she got in. we all applauded for her in econ. she was crying. i was happy for her, really. but dennis did not get in, whcih surprises me in some ways. he busted the calc curve on the last test, as usual, and had his smug smile, but that was before. oh well, there's still hope for mr. top 1%. (james too, he hears from yale on monday. if he doesn't get in, i think there will be some sort of paradox and the universe will collapse. plus andrea will personally kill him.) i hear sometime too, but i haven't really thought about it.
today i've been at hoem all day. rewrote one essay, i'm finally satisfied with it. checked the mail to no avail. i'm going out to dinner tonight with people and then to see a movie. but not at the metreon. wouldn't want to risk bumping into the winterballers, as shimmon calls them. i have my spies there.
karin's birthday
thursday was not a good day for me. i was thinking all day about my calc test, which was not fun. i was tired for some reason, so i tried to take a nap in all my free time. my tutee stood me up yet again. (he keeps asking me to help him, now with math instead of spanish, but then he's never there.) except at the end of the day, when i tried unsuccessfully to work out some physics problems with james. (he forgot he had asked me to do this. so i went looking for him in the journ room, where it turned out he was in a meeting with the entire staff of the paper. alisa shot me this cold glare.) after school, i went to science bowl, but that was really not what i needed. i was late after james asked me to turn in his ballot for him, and then i was banished to sit at this side table with no partner. everyone was there, at least. but at that point, i was not feeling well, and every little berating comment dr. hill made toward me or someone else just made me feel even worse. we're not like paul lujan or dario or any of those people. i try as hard as i can, all day, to deal with my deficiencies in math. (i just keep getting slower and my work keeps getting worse.) and then it's "that's correct, but the other team will get that faster." coming from someone who doesn't know how to read an equation properly. so by the end of practice, i just wanted to get out as quickly as possible and go crawl into a hole and cry.
but of course, i had to go to hibbard's lecture on waves and stuff, which i would have normally enjoyed. i didn't, though. too tired, didn't want to put up with ben and other people who annoy me. it ended before 6, so i hung out for a while then decided to get the econ test over with and headed down to counseling, where there was no one to bug me and no one who cared about me. a relief. except the test was not what was in the packet, and i think i did badly. morris, of course, had to grade it in front of me, which i didn't want, so i left. waited outside for a while. eventually i went home, but the first thing i heard was "work on your applications" and then some yelling. i went into my room and tried to do physics, then at dinner, karin wanted pizza, so we had some...i left almost immediately because it was obvious that i could have been doing more productive things. which was untrue. if anything, i was at my least productive point in the day. i went into the bathroom and cried for no reason, i just felt horrible. lay on the floor and sobbed for half an hour, went into my room and lay down and stared at the wall. there was just a block on my head. tried some more physics and then my apps, but only got one form done. went to bed early that night, but it took forever to sleep.
the next day i wasn't much better. before english i tried sleeping, but anatoly kept telling me about his chances of getting into stanford. it was early notification day; i had forgotten. xi found out sometime between calc and econ about harvard. she got in. we all applauded for her in econ. she was crying. i was happy for her, really. but dennis did not get in, whcih surprises me in some ways. he busted the calc curve on the last test, as usual, and had his smug smile, but that was before. oh well, there's still hope for mr. top 1%. (james too, he hears from yale on monday. if he doesn't get in, i think there will be some sort of paradox and the universe will collapse. plus andrea will personally kill him.) i hear sometime too, but i haven't really thought about it.
today i've been at hoem all day. rewrote one essay, i'm finally satisfied with it. checked the mail to no avail. i'm going out to dinner tonight with people and then to see a movie. but not at the metreon. wouldn't want to risk bumping into the winterballers, as shimmon calls them. i have my spies there.
keskiviikko, joulukuu 12
MERCATOR
really apathetic today. came home early, after lunch, so i could work on stuff. all i really got done was some reading about econ and art history, but then i sort of wandered around the house, not doing many productive things. watched dawson's creek. thought some.
really apathetic today. came home early, after lunch, so i could work on stuff. all i really got done was some reading about econ and art history, but then i sort of wandered around the house, not doing many productive things. watched dawson's creek. thought some.
tiistai, joulukuu 11
DARKFUN
the lights seem to have gone out. only one set works now. i don't know what's wrong with them.
edelman extended his proverbial olive branch to the other schools in our district today, and a bunch of people came to hear the aca deca lectures this afternoon. violeta was there. i didn't know she was on her school's team. i like her and all, but occasionalyl it can be annoying when she runs up to me whenever she sees me and starts stressing out immediately about...applications. and stuff. and then hanging onto me wherever i go. so i guess it's been nice to have a break from her at work. i'd be okay if she did it to other people, but i seem to be the only person. i would feel bad if i told her maybe she hangs on a little too much. every time it's "katharine!!!" and then she comes up and hugs me. i am not a touchy-feely person, really, and although hugs aren't meant to be a offensive, i guess i come off cold, because she usually makes some comment about me being tense next.
econ test also. but i have to go to calc hell right now.
the lights seem to have gone out. only one set works now. i don't know what's wrong with them.
edelman extended his proverbial olive branch to the other schools in our district today, and a bunch of people came to hear the aca deca lectures this afternoon. violeta was there. i didn't know she was on her school's team. i like her and all, but occasionalyl it can be annoying when she runs up to me whenever she sees me and starts stressing out immediately about...applications. and stuff. and then hanging onto me wherever i go. so i guess it's been nice to have a break from her at work. i'd be okay if she did it to other people, but i seem to be the only person. i would feel bad if i told her maybe she hangs on a little too much. every time it's "katharine!!!" and then she comes up and hugs me. i am not a touchy-feely person, really, and although hugs aren't meant to be a offensive, i guess i come off cold, because she usually makes some comment about me being tense next.
econ test also. but i have to go to calc hell right now.
maanantai, joulukuu 10
LIGHTFUN
we had physics club today. a lot of people showed up! definitely more than last week. i think the bulletin announcement and the fact that there was no math league thing today really helped boost attendance. so we brainstormed reasonable (a laser, a potato gun, a weather balloon) and unreasonable (a nuclear reactor) projects and places to go for trips. it's looking up. then we played, rather unsuccessfully at first, with the tennis ball cannon cart, which is fun. we'll meet again next week i think.
karin and i put up the lights in the yard when we got home. there were more strings than i expected, so the front is now very illuminated. all around the bushed, the trunk of the palm, the holly, and the sides of the driveway. it looks pretty. the brightest on the block. this is only the second year we've done an outdoor display. hopefully we'll never go as far as this guy.
we had physics club today. a lot of people showed up! definitely more than last week. i think the bulletin announcement and the fact that there was no math league thing today really helped boost attendance. so we brainstormed reasonable (a laser, a potato gun, a weather balloon) and unreasonable (a nuclear reactor) projects and places to go for trips. it's looking up. then we played, rather unsuccessfully at first, with the tennis ball cannon cart, which is fun. we'll meet again next week i think.
karin and i put up the lights in the yard when we got home. there were more strings than i expected, so the front is now very illuminated. all around the bushed, the trunk of the palm, the holly, and the sides of the driveway. it looks pretty. the brightest on the block. this is only the second year we've done an outdoor display. hopefully we'll never go as far as this guy.
sunnuntai, joulukuu 9
ANNOYANCES
lately the sound of things has started to bother me. chaz is a really quiet machine, but hal hums and hums without stopping. it can be disturbing when one is trying to concentrate. not that's i'm trying to do that right now, but if i were, it would be almpst impossible. when i tried to do my calculus earlier, my mother was vacuuming, and the sound was so obnoxious i was seriously having problems with it. i was panicking, i don't know why, but huddled in the corner where i had been sitting and covering my ears as if it were armageddon.
lately the sound of things has started to bother me. chaz is a really quiet machine, but hal hums and hums without stopping. it can be disturbing when one is trying to concentrate. not that's i'm trying to do that right now, but if i were, it would be almpst impossible. when i tried to do my calculus earlier, my mother was vacuuming, and the sound was so obnoxious i was seriously having problems with it. i was panicking, i don't know why, but huddled in the corner where i had been sitting and covering my ears as if it were armageddon.
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
my mother is singing handel's messiah very loudly from the kitchen. she tends to do that around this time of year. we got out all the decorations today and put up the tree. the only part of the house that has yet to be decorated is the front; karin and i are going to put the lights on tomorrow. the tree looks nice. we went to get it yesterday, and these people suddenly abandoned their perfect choice of tree, so we took it. although it shed and had some weird branches that stick out, after some trimming it looks better.
i didn't go to work today. i didn't sleep that well on friday night, so last night i really needed a lot of sleep. i spent the day having my personal calculus party and helping decorate the house. although i don't feel like i got as much accomplished as i could have, at least i got a few assignments done. i've been trying to call james all evening to find out the next assignment, but he's not answering. i really need some other peoples' numbers so i don't have to rely on him all the time.
my mother is singing handel's messiah very loudly from the kitchen. she tends to do that around this time of year. we got out all the decorations today and put up the tree. the only part of the house that has yet to be decorated is the front; karin and i are going to put the lights on tomorrow. the tree looks nice. we went to get it yesterday, and these people suddenly abandoned their perfect choice of tree, so we took it. although it shed and had some weird branches that stick out, after some trimming it looks better.
i didn't go to work today. i didn't sleep that well on friday night, so last night i really needed a lot of sleep. i spent the day having my personal calculus party and helping decorate the house. although i don't feel like i got as much accomplished as i could have, at least i got a few assignments done. i've been trying to call james all evening to find out the next assignment, but he's not answering. i really need some other peoples' numbers so i don't have to rely on him all the time.
lauantai, joulukuu 8
MY INCOMPETENCE
is showing right now. i can't seem to concentrate. on what i'm supposed to be doing. didn't i tell myself to party all day with my applications, my physics book, and my calculus? and what have i done? a little bit, but not much. i don't know what's wrong with me. i always lose my concentration. i need something that will make me focus on this and cut away all distractions.
meredith was analyzing my behavior the other day. she determined that i have only four moods: annoyed, hyper, frustrated, and severely depressed. i didn't even know that i displayed the fourth when i'm around people, because it tends to hit me...well, the majority of my day. my moods cycle, so that most of the day, usually from when i get up until mod 7 i'm depressed, hitting a low in the middle of mod 5, so that when i go to reg i don't want to talk to anyone. (i don't want to be in reg at all, usually.) in the middle of calculus, i suddenly go into part 2 of my day, and that's when i become either frustrated, hyper or annoyed. i then display one or more of these emotions until mod 17, but by that time i don't have to talk to that many people. i then go back to being depressed until dinnertime or so, but i hit my worst at 6:30. the thing is, i cover this up pretty well if i'm around people. i can usually talk, or perform okay if i'm at some meeting, but if i'm alone in berkeley all i have is myself, and i'm walking around feeling awful. i don't know why i feel like this. i really have no reason to. maybe it's hormones or something.
karin and leci and melissa are at a movie. thank god they're not hanging out here all day. i think i'd go crazy.
is showing right now. i can't seem to concentrate. on what i'm supposed to be doing. didn't i tell myself to party all day with my applications, my physics book, and my calculus? and what have i done? a little bit, but not much. i don't know what's wrong with me. i always lose my concentration. i need something that will make me focus on this and cut away all distractions.
meredith was analyzing my behavior the other day. she determined that i have only four moods: annoyed, hyper, frustrated, and severely depressed. i didn't even know that i displayed the fourth when i'm around people, because it tends to hit me...well, the majority of my day. my moods cycle, so that most of the day, usually from when i get up until mod 7 i'm depressed, hitting a low in the middle of mod 5, so that when i go to reg i don't want to talk to anyone. (i don't want to be in reg at all, usually.) in the middle of calculus, i suddenly go into part 2 of my day, and that's when i become either frustrated, hyper or annoyed. i then display one or more of these emotions until mod 17, but by that time i don't have to talk to that many people. i then go back to being depressed until dinnertime or so, but i hit my worst at 6:30. the thing is, i cover this up pretty well if i'm around people. i can usually talk, or perform okay if i'm at some meeting, but if i'm alone in berkeley all i have is myself, and i'm walking around feeling awful. i don't know why i feel like this. i really have no reason to. maybe it's hormones or something.
karin and leci and melissa are at a movie. thank god they're not hanging out here all day. i think i'd go crazy.
DO I THINK I'M BETTER OFF ALONE?
so i hear renee really doesn't like james. she spent a few days putting off answering him when he asked her out, just so she could find someone else to go with. she's really only going with him because she feels sorry for him. i shouldn't be enjoying this fact, yet i do. i really wanted it to work out between them. i didn't want to think cruel thoughts. yet such is life. and it's just a circle of unrequited love, or whatever you can call it in high school.
i have to stop being so melodramatic. i need to get over myself and stop feeling sorry for myself, hmm?
so last night was senior ice skating night. andrea came over and we went downtown together. everything looked all perfect, like the ideal winter scene, at yerba buena gardens. the trees were lit up (no more energy crisis) and it was a crisp, clear night. the city lights shone in the background. the stars, or whatever was visible with all the light pollution, twinkled in the sky. inside the rink, a bunch of people twirled and fell and ran into each other on the frictionless surface. the only thing that was missing from this pretty little scene was snow, or any form of cold whatsoever. it was around 60 degrees. and here we were, dressed in our perfect skating outfits straight out of some tv show about perfect, attractive people who were preppy clothes and have soap opera lives. sarah arrived with her mom's boyfriend, the one who looks like a younger version of the smoking man.
the rink was kind of crowded, because burton was also having an event there. when we finally got our skates on and our stuff stored in a locker, we skated for about 5 minutes before they had to resurface the ice, so in that time i walked around, got a drink, talked to people. when we could go back, i actually managed to skate a bit without holding onto the wall. by the end of the night, i had regained my ability to go fast in circles, but not stop or turn right. i can only turn left. i think i need to go to college in some higher latitude where i can skate more often, more than every five years. there were a few teachers there, too, like mr. friedman, who ran into my yelling "inelastic collision!" of course, i had been thinking about physics a lot that evening too, about how the ice surface is almost ideal, and how gretchen, twirling in the center and pulling her arms in, was a perfect display of conservation of angular momentum.
oh, it was also my last day at berkeley for the semester. no more commuting until january. this makes me happy. i went shopping in celebration. got a birthday present for karin and some clothes for me, including a skirt for $1.99 that i had liked before, but who wants to pay $25 for a little piece of cloth? of course, it was a size 10, which is too big for me, but that was the smallest they had. i'll have to take a few stitches. ah well.
so i hear renee really doesn't like james. she spent a few days putting off answering him when he asked her out, just so she could find someone else to go with. she's really only going with him because she feels sorry for him. i shouldn't be enjoying this fact, yet i do. i really wanted it to work out between them. i didn't want to think cruel thoughts. yet such is life. and it's just a circle of unrequited love, or whatever you can call it in high school.
i have to stop being so melodramatic. i need to get over myself and stop feeling sorry for myself, hmm?
so last night was senior ice skating night. andrea came over and we went downtown together. everything looked all perfect, like the ideal winter scene, at yerba buena gardens. the trees were lit up (no more energy crisis) and it was a crisp, clear night. the city lights shone in the background. the stars, or whatever was visible with all the light pollution, twinkled in the sky. inside the rink, a bunch of people twirled and fell and ran into each other on the frictionless surface. the only thing that was missing from this pretty little scene was snow, or any form of cold whatsoever. it was around 60 degrees. and here we were, dressed in our perfect skating outfits straight out of some tv show about perfect, attractive people who were preppy clothes and have soap opera lives. sarah arrived with her mom's boyfriend, the one who looks like a younger version of the smoking man.
the rink was kind of crowded, because burton was also having an event there. when we finally got our skates on and our stuff stored in a locker, we skated for about 5 minutes before they had to resurface the ice, so in that time i walked around, got a drink, talked to people. when we could go back, i actually managed to skate a bit without holding onto the wall. by the end of the night, i had regained my ability to go fast in circles, but not stop or turn right. i can only turn left. i think i need to go to college in some higher latitude where i can skate more often, more than every five years. there were a few teachers there, too, like mr. friedman, who ran into my yelling "inelastic collision!" of course, i had been thinking about physics a lot that evening too, about how the ice surface is almost ideal, and how gretchen, twirling in the center and pulling her arms in, was a perfect display of conservation of angular momentum.
oh, it was also my last day at berkeley for the semester. no more commuting until january. this makes me happy. i went shopping in celebration. got a birthday present for karin and some clothes for me, including a skirt for $1.99 that i had liked before, but who wants to pay $25 for a little piece of cloth? of course, it was a size 10, which is too big for me, but that was the smallest they had. i'll have to take a few stitches. ah well.
torstai, joulukuu 6
IN OTHER NEWS
parents went out tonight, so i spent the time trying to concentrate on applications and studying for my climate change final. then karin and i sang some songs. twas fun. they came back telling me how great my teachers think i am. except none of my teachers were even at this alumni dinner, so i have no idea where they are getting this.
it was the debut of lowell electronic arena today. for me it worked fine, except for a minor glitch regarding my american d. class which i can work out easily. karin was sitting next to me, and at the end of my session i gloated to her over the fact that i am a special case and get to pick first. along with all my other corrupt co-members of shield and scroll. (i also managed to finish my ballot today, voting for a bunch of people i didn't know and didn't particularly care about. i only found a few people i knew.
went to science bowl practice earlier. i had to skip a physics lecture by hibbard to do this, but i told edelman that i couldn't make it and he said that was fine since i knew enough physics already. i'm really beginning to dislike science bowl practice because we don't really learn anything. i want to have my own practices and invite my team members, because i think spending that much time around dr. hill is detrimental to everyone's mental wellbeing. or at least it is for me. i hate it when he tells us not to discuss, to ficus more on how to buzz in than on what we actually learn. he's all talk and no action when it comes to learning anything other than biology. we really need better earth science background, but we have, like, none.
parents went out tonight, so i spent the time trying to concentrate on applications and studying for my climate change final. then karin and i sang some songs. twas fun. they came back telling me how great my teachers think i am. except none of my teachers were even at this alumni dinner, so i have no idea where they are getting this.
it was the debut of lowell electronic arena today. for me it worked fine, except for a minor glitch regarding my american d. class which i can work out easily. karin was sitting next to me, and at the end of my session i gloated to her over the fact that i am a special case and get to pick first. along with all my other corrupt co-members of shield and scroll. (i also managed to finish my ballot today, voting for a bunch of people i didn't know and didn't particularly care about. i only found a few people i knew.
went to science bowl practice earlier. i had to skip a physics lecture by hibbard to do this, but i told edelman that i couldn't make it and he said that was fine since i knew enough physics already. i'm really beginning to dislike science bowl practice because we don't really learn anything. i want to have my own practices and invite my team members, because i think spending that much time around dr. hill is detrimental to everyone's mental wellbeing. or at least it is for me. i hate it when he tells us not to discuss, to ficus more on how to buzz in than on what we actually learn. he's all talk and no action when it comes to learning anything other than biology. we really need better earth science background, but we have, like, none.
keskiviikko, joulukuu 5
TODAY'S DAILY DISH
meredith thinks my social life is more amusing than dawson's creek now. that's always good to know, especially since tonight's episode was a repeat(!) and i'm glad to know that someone finds it funny. i sure don't. no, i'm having my fair share of teenage melodramatic issues, and they're not particularly fun or amusing in any way.
i took the swim test this morning. i was afraid of seeing james there, which i guess is stupid, because when i'm in the water with no glasses or contacts, i'm blind as a bat. so i know he was there, but seeing him was another issue altogether. i passed the test, of course. if i hadn't, i think i would have had to be dead. it was just swimming across the pool six times and treading water for a minute. i don't think i knew anyone in my group except devin, but i couldn't see anyone else clearly. in the locker room, there was this girl who got dizzy and then passed out completely just as i was leaving. it also started raining just as i left the building, which wasn't fun, as i had no umbrella. so i sang songs about rain as i walked. and i got all wet. (i repeated this four more times later in the day.)
he apologized to me later. in physics, he asked if he could talk to me outside and then apologized for having lied to me. i didn't object. then i said sorry that my friends had harrassed him until he did that, and he agreed. so that's that. i forgive him,and i hope he has a good time with renee.
my colorgenics profile speaks the truth.
meredith thinks my social life is more amusing than dawson's creek now. that's always good to know, especially since tonight's episode was a repeat(!) and i'm glad to know that someone finds it funny. i sure don't. no, i'm having my fair share of teenage melodramatic issues, and they're not particularly fun or amusing in any way.
i took the swim test this morning. i was afraid of seeing james there, which i guess is stupid, because when i'm in the water with no glasses or contacts, i'm blind as a bat. so i know he was there, but seeing him was another issue altogether. i passed the test, of course. if i hadn't, i think i would have had to be dead. it was just swimming across the pool six times and treading water for a minute. i don't think i knew anyone in my group except devin, but i couldn't see anyone else clearly. in the locker room, there was this girl who got dizzy and then passed out completely just as i was leaving. it also started raining just as i left the building, which wasn't fun, as i had no umbrella. so i sang songs about rain as i walked. and i got all wet. (i repeated this four more times later in the day.)
he apologized to me later. in physics, he asked if he could talk to me outside and then apologized for having lied to me. i didn't object. then i said sorry that my friends had harrassed him until he did that, and he agreed. so that's that. i forgive him,and i hope he has a good time with renee.
my colorgenics profile speaks the truth.
THE ONLY SURVEY WORTH YOUR TIME
 | I am Matched Phrenology Busts. I enlighten Norwegian glass bacteria with richly sponged hardwood thought processes. Four ripe metronomes ridicule my lucky castle of relief. My auspicious mercury rides level coral. What erudite spheres reveal strata? The Utterly Surreal Test |
tiistai, joulukuu 4
LAZY VERBS
today is going down in my personal history as a very bad day. i think i made it suck for most of the time.
the morning was taken up with this physics problem. i screwed up on the test yesterday, making a simple problem very unsimple. i don't know what i thought i was doing. so when shapiro gave us a chance to take it over again, i was happy, but then other things were on my mind. i missed a label on the graph, ended up with an impossible answer by reading the given wrong. how the hell did i do that? you can't create energy in a collision. these things don't happen that way. i knew i did something wrong but had no time to fix it. shapiro told me what my mistake was as i left the room. then he told me that the problem was off an ap test from a few years ago, and that one of his students made the same mistake, yet still went on to major in physics at some great university. but still, it doesn't change the fact that i screwed up. how can i be such a screw up in something that everyone thinks i'm great at? how is it that i can understand everything perfectly up until the time i have to take a test, and then i just can't do it? it seems like recently i've been taking more and more tests and having these doubts, and when i get a second chance i still can't perform. it's like strage fright, except there's no stage. all i have is this paper in front of me and my calculator and pencil. i can't very well imagine my paper in its underwear, can i? i left the room almost crying, and i felt ashamed...i'm not supposed to cry as a senior in high school. i'm supposed to take this all with a face of calm. i'm not supposed to get happy or mad at anything. especially not an insignificant little physics problem.
i didn't want to go to reg, so i ducked into the bathroom before the deans made their new tradition of sweeping the halls to make people go away. i hate my reg. i can't stand it that half the people are mean and don't want to get to know me, and the few people who talk to me then go and say bad things behind my back about how stupid our reg is, and how they have the highest gpa in the reg which is just so much higher than everyone else's, and that is what makes the reg bad and them good. who really cares? i'm not supposed to, but i do, especially when they think i don't care so much that they talk about this in front of my face as if i don't exist. i stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes, trying not to reveal my presence to the few others in the room or either of the hall guards. when i left to rush to reg before it ended, my eyes must have been red, but when tony asked me why, i said i was having issues with my contacts. that's partially true. i did have some problems earlier when putting them in, but they had disappeared by that time.
calculus wasn't much better. there was that quiz last week that we got back today, and almost everyone got a perfect socre. i had made an arithmetic error, so i got a point off. but it still wasn't perfect. i can't ever seem to reach that level of competence.
meanwhile, i found out that there is no "other person" who asked him to winterball. or if there is, he did to me as what he didn't want to do to that person. he asked someone else. and he neglected to tell me. when i asked him, why didn't he just say no in the first place? why did he have to lead me on like that? my supportive friends, who told everyone in school about my issues and threaten to go beat him up every five minutes, decided to keep this information from me, afraid it would hurt me. i'd rather know the truth. he still wants me as a partner in physics.
today is going down in my personal history as a very bad day. i think i made it suck for most of the time.
the morning was taken up with this physics problem. i screwed up on the test yesterday, making a simple problem very unsimple. i don't know what i thought i was doing. so when shapiro gave us a chance to take it over again, i was happy, but then other things were on my mind. i missed a label on the graph, ended up with an impossible answer by reading the given wrong. how the hell did i do that? you can't create energy in a collision. these things don't happen that way. i knew i did something wrong but had no time to fix it. shapiro told me what my mistake was as i left the room. then he told me that the problem was off an ap test from a few years ago, and that one of his students made the same mistake, yet still went on to major in physics at some great university. but still, it doesn't change the fact that i screwed up. how can i be such a screw up in something that everyone thinks i'm great at? how is it that i can understand everything perfectly up until the time i have to take a test, and then i just can't do it? it seems like recently i've been taking more and more tests and having these doubts, and when i get a second chance i still can't perform. it's like strage fright, except there's no stage. all i have is this paper in front of me and my calculator and pencil. i can't very well imagine my paper in its underwear, can i? i left the room almost crying, and i felt ashamed...i'm not supposed to cry as a senior in high school. i'm supposed to take this all with a face of calm. i'm not supposed to get happy or mad at anything. especially not an insignificant little physics problem.
i didn't want to go to reg, so i ducked into the bathroom before the deans made their new tradition of sweeping the halls to make people go away. i hate my reg. i can't stand it that half the people are mean and don't want to get to know me, and the few people who talk to me then go and say bad things behind my back about how stupid our reg is, and how they have the highest gpa in the reg which is just so much higher than everyone else's, and that is what makes the reg bad and them good. who really cares? i'm not supposed to, but i do, especially when they think i don't care so much that they talk about this in front of my face as if i don't exist. i stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes, trying not to reveal my presence to the few others in the room or either of the hall guards. when i left to rush to reg before it ended, my eyes must have been red, but when tony asked me why, i said i was having issues with my contacts. that's partially true. i did have some problems earlier when putting them in, but they had disappeared by that time.
calculus wasn't much better. there was that quiz last week that we got back today, and almost everyone got a perfect socre. i had made an arithmetic error, so i got a point off. but it still wasn't perfect. i can't ever seem to reach that level of competence.
meanwhile, i found out that there is no "other person" who asked him to winterball. or if there is, he did to me as what he didn't want to do to that person. he asked someone else. and he neglected to tell me. when i asked him, why didn't he just say no in the first place? why did he have to lead me on like that? my supportive friends, who told everyone in school about my issues and threaten to go beat him up every five minutes, decided to keep this information from me, afraid it would hurt me. i'd rather know the truth. he still wants me as a partner in physics.
maanantai, joulukuu 3
I HAVE THIS WONDERFUL THING
called a cold. it spreads especially to freshpeople who steal my food in the halls at school.
go here: http://www.magary.com/kaz/blog/chaz.html to see chaz's blog. i'm working on it with him. it's rather fun. it makes me not want to finish the speech recognition training.
i have a working model of the menu for my newly designed site. i don't even need a scanner for it. i just want to learn how to do global css stylesheets because right now i do them per page, which is tedious and a pain and not very good.
we had this guy come in and talk about pollen. i wasn't paying all that much attention to what he was saying. it was all on his handout, showing graohs of how much pollen has fallen in certain areas by time period, when the ice ages were, etc. he had a cool semi-irish accent. friday is my last day at berkeley for the semester. then i have another two weeks until vacation and then i'm free. to finish my applications. oh joy.
called a cold. it spreads especially to freshpeople who steal my food in the halls at school.
go here: http://www.magary.com/kaz/blog/chaz.html to see chaz's blog. i'm working on it with him. it's rather fun. it makes me not want to finish the speech recognition training.
i have a working model of the menu for my newly designed site. i don't even need a scanner for it. i just want to learn how to do global css stylesheets because right now i do them per page, which is tedious and a pain and not very good.
we had this guy come in and talk about pollen. i wasn't paying all that much attention to what he was saying. it was all on his handout, showing graohs of how much pollen has fallen in certain areas by time period, when the ice ages were, etc. he had a cool semi-irish accent. friday is my last day at berkeley for the semester. then i have another two weeks until vacation and then i'm free. to finish my applications. oh joy.
sunnuntai, joulukuu 2
OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED WITH A SHOE
i have been trying all day to install the scanner. the driver hates windoze xp. i don't know why, because it was created before xp was even conceived of. no one else thinks the scanner is even remotely useful compared to the camera, and since they both want the same port, i have a dilemma. but it makes more sense to put the camera on the other computer, since the scanner is next to chaz and the cable isn't long enough. they don't understand that you can only do so much with a weak digital camera, and a scanner is superior when it comes to, say, preexisting photos or stuff that i need to redesign this site. i have a very nice design, and i have some kewliezzz effects i want to implement, but i need the scanner to work. how i bemoan the loss of dumb object.
i have not had the best of days. i am not relating well to my coworkers, which makes an otherwise pleasant job rather unpleasant. i try to write a nice paragraph for a college application about how great my job is and how much it means to me, but it is really just being there that means so much. i wouldn't have to work there. unfortunately that does not count as an organized activity. plus i am dateless again for winterball. james told me he told someone who asked him first that he wasn't going, so then when he agreed to go with me, it would be awkward. so now he either isn't going or he's going with the aforementioned other person. he said he'd find me another date.
antarctica is kewliezzz.
i have been trying all day to install the scanner. the driver hates windoze xp. i don't know why, because it was created before xp was even conceived of. no one else thinks the scanner is even remotely useful compared to the camera, and since they both want the same port, i have a dilemma. but it makes more sense to put the camera on the other computer, since the scanner is next to chaz and the cable isn't long enough. they don't understand that you can only do so much with a weak digital camera, and a scanner is superior when it comes to, say, preexisting photos or stuff that i need to redesign this site. i have a very nice design, and i have some kewliezzz effects i want to implement, but i need the scanner to work. how i bemoan the loss of dumb object.
i have not had the best of days. i am not relating well to my coworkers, which makes an otherwise pleasant job rather unpleasant. i try to write a nice paragraph for a college application about how great my job is and how much it means to me, but it is really just being there that means so much. i wouldn't have to work there. unfortunately that does not count as an organized activity. plus i am dateless again for winterball. james told me he told someone who asked him first that he wasn't going, so then when he agreed to go with me, it would be awkward. so now he either isn't going or he's going with the aforementioned other person. he said he'd find me another date.
antarctica is kewliezzz.
lauantai, joulukuu 1
I'VE BEEN THINKING
it's a dangerous thing.
i should redesign my site again. maybe in time for the holidays. i'll try some more difficult elements or something, to make it more interesting.
it's a dangerous thing.
i should redesign my site again. maybe in time for the holidays. i'll try some more difficult elements or something, to make it more interesting.
THIS IS THE LAST STOP
so for the final time today, i took an sat. math 2c, again. this time i didn't have to worry about taking two other subjects at the same, time which was nice and unstressful compared to when i took them in june. i didn't finish the test, which is no surprise, considering i seem to be getting slower at math than i used to be, but i also do it more carefully. i still have a chance at getting an 800. or something higher than my last score, at least. what will make me unhappy is if i get the same score, like i did on my sat 1's. i'm not done with the college board yet; they get my money again in may. in fact, they get a bundle from me this year. whatever $76*4 is. Except that's 5 tests, 7 scores total. 20 hours of sitting through ap tests. not fun. i'm really not looking forward to may. i'd rather skip the whole month and move on to june, graduate, and get on with my life.
speaking of which, i still have to plan for next summer. my counselor sent me something in reg -- another internship opportunity for next summer, for anyone who was a "high acheiver" in ap science classes. i wonder how many people got it. i don't particularly want to do this one, because it's related to medicine, and i've never been terribly fond of that. if i had to do life science at all, i'd prefer genetics, or astrobiology of course. :) i don't really want to go back to nasa unless they let me work in astrobiology. no more thermal protection for me. my parents tell me i have to learn to drive, so i may do that, and just work at the exploratorium the rest of the time since the hours are flexible and there is no commute.
that reminds me. karin is turning 15 in less than 2 weeks. not only do i need to get her a birthday present, but it just reminds me that she is growing up. she can start driving. it will be embarrassing if she gets her license before me.
so for the final time today, i took an sat. math 2c, again. this time i didn't have to worry about taking two other subjects at the same, time which was nice and unstressful compared to when i took them in june. i didn't finish the test, which is no surprise, considering i seem to be getting slower at math than i used to be, but i also do it more carefully. i still have a chance at getting an 800. or something higher than my last score, at least. what will make me unhappy is if i get the same score, like i did on my sat 1's. i'm not done with the college board yet; they get my money again in may. in fact, they get a bundle from me this year. whatever $76*4 is. Except that's 5 tests, 7 scores total. 20 hours of sitting through ap tests. not fun. i'm really not looking forward to may. i'd rather skip the whole month and move on to june, graduate, and get on with my life.
speaking of which, i still have to plan for next summer. my counselor sent me something in reg -- another internship opportunity for next summer, for anyone who was a "high acheiver" in ap science classes. i wonder how many people got it. i don't particularly want to do this one, because it's related to medicine, and i've never been terribly fond of that. if i had to do life science at all, i'd prefer genetics, or astrobiology of course. :) i don't really want to go back to nasa unless they let me work in astrobiology. no more thermal protection for me. my parents tell me i have to learn to drive, so i may do that, and just work at the exploratorium the rest of the time since the hours are flexible and there is no commute.
that reminds me. karin is turning 15 in less than 2 weeks. not only do i need to get her a birthday present, but it just reminds me that she is growing up. she can start driving. it will be embarrassing if she gets her license before me.