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SWF seeks ???: Katharine Magary, 19, student in Pasadena. Likes beach walks at sunset, sing-song poetry, constructed languages and geology. INTP. Foot mutant and keeper of the Devil's Haircut. Will not pay your rent on minimum wage.
Contact info:
email: email
AIM: pailblusea
ICQ: 12670431
Y!: durlomiel
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tiistai, heinäkuu 31
UPDATE
working on a new! improved! design! for this journal. because it's ugly and needs an update. so. stay tuned for something more aesthetically pleasing sometime this week. maybe even a graphic. you never know.
working on a new! improved! design! for this journal. because it's ugly and needs an update. so. stay tuned for something more aesthetically pleasing sometime this week. maybe even a graphic. you never know.
WAT'VER
well, as usual, i didsomething not very much today. christine, mike and the quality assurance dude all looked at x-rays and made noise. i worked on my portfolio, my presentation, and emailed erica a bunch. nothing could excite me more. okay, well, maybe a lot of things could.
i wrote some haiku about the train. i will post it later. karin's at a giants game and thusly there will be a lot of traffic downtown. o yes, i am so looking forward to my evening commute.
off to turn in my timesheet.
well, as usual, i did
i wrote some haiku about the train. i will post it later. karin's at a giants game and thusly there will be a lot of traffic downtown. o yes, i am so looking forward to my evening commute.
off to turn in my timesheet.
PEOPLE WHO HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY
now, normally when i think of people who have too much money, i think of useless tax refunds like the one bush just sent in the mail. and i think of greedy people and republicans and golf courses. well, why should my view of them be so negative? they have a lot of money, and they can do good things with it. if only they were all philanthropists.
see, instead of building things like opera houses, what better thing could excessively rich people do than sponsor all the failing online companies with free services? in my ideal world, these poor businesses could survive the whole dot-com apocalypse. however, in my ideal world, the only ones that could be supported would be the non-commericial ones. not the ones with something to sell, although those are also potentially beneficial to humankind (ebay, cafepress, etc.). those can make money on their own. i'm talking about websites that promote knowledge and stuff. like messages boards.
it's the end of free as we know it.
now, normally when i think of people who have too much money, i think of useless tax refunds like the one bush just sent in the mail. and i think of greedy people and republicans and golf courses. well, why should my view of them be so negative? they have a lot of money, and they can do good things with it. if only they were all philanthropists.
see, instead of building things like opera houses, what better thing could excessively rich people do than sponsor all the failing online companies with free services? in my ideal world, these poor businesses could survive the whole dot-com apocalypse. however, in my ideal world, the only ones that could be supported would be the non-commericial ones. not the ones with something to sell, although those are also potentially beneficial to humankind (ebay, cafepress, etc.). those can make money on their own. i'm talking about websites that promote knowledge and stuff. like messages boards.
it's the end of free as we know it.
IDOL THOUGHT
this says i think about my hair almost as much as i think about sex.
nah. that's true for meredith, though. [i bet]
this says i think about my hair almost as much as i think about sex.
nah. that's true for meredith, though. [i bet]
DONDE ESTA?
i've been looking for anastasia all morning. she has the results of yesterday's test and i need them. but she isn't in her office and she's not in the lab. what is one to do?
i badly need to redo my entire character description for ka'tran, as well as build a new house, but that won't happen until tomorrow at the earliest.
i've been looking for anastasia all morning. she has the results of yesterday's test and i need them. but she isn't in her office and she's not in the lab. what is one to do?
i badly need to redo my entire character description for ka'tran, as well as build a new house, but that won't happen until tomorrow at the earliest.
maanantai, heinäkuu 30
10 BEST ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS
- peppermint
- wintergreen
- watermelon
- strawberry
- apple
- grapefruit
- blackberry
- raspberry
- orange
- lemon
FLI
meredith has finally soloed in her plane. i'm so proud of her. she even managed to land well and not crash. but she wants to take me up in her plane when she gets her license, which will be soon. i've gotten over my fear of being in the car with people who have failed their license test multiple times (i will refrain from mentioning any names) but a plane is a different matter. yes, they're supposed to be safer than cars, but it's a small, private plane....
meredith has finally soloed in her plane. i'm so proud of her. she even managed to land well and not crash. but she wants to take me up in her plane when she gets her license, which will be soon. i've gotten over my fear of being in the car with people who have failed their license test multiple times (i will refrain from mentioning any names) but a plane is a different matter. yes, they're supposed to be safer than cars, but it's a small, private plane....
HERE IS A LINK
conan speaks at harvard commencement.
scary harry potter fans
i found this randomly. i think it's run by people from my school, including julie.
conan speaks at harvard commencement.
scary harry potter fans
i found this randomly. i think it's run by people from my school, including julie.
JUMPED IN THE RIVER
did some mechanical tests on the sirca this morning. 4 out of the 10 cubes with the parallel fibers were not bonded correctly, so the tests came out crummily. however, all the perpendicular fiber ones were good. the tensile strength was about 91 psi for the perpendicular, 131 psi for the parallel.
did some mechanical tests on the sirca this morning. 4 out of the 10 cubes with the parallel fibers were not bonded correctly, so the tests came out crummily. however, all the perpendicular fiber ones were good. the tensile strength was about 91 psi for the perpendicular, 131 psi for the parallel.
CROSS-DRESSING PUBLISHERS
what a weird topic for a song. i made this up when i was about nine. for some reason i just remembered it. (i believe it was inspired by some guy at my church who, by the way, did not dress in a dress. he just hit me with a rolled-up newspaper a lot.)
oh, mr. van newspaper
from the printing press
he was a guy
but he dressed in a dress
when he was born
he dressed in a dress
all of the nurses
were rather impressed
oh, mr. van newspaper
from the printing press
he was just born
and he dressed in a dress
as he grew older
he dressed in a dress
both of his parents
were very depressed
when he went to school
he dressed in a dress
all of his teachers
were very distressed
oh, mr. van newspaper
from the printing press
he was a boy
but he dressed in a dress
when he grew up
he dressed in a dress
none of his bosses
were very impressed
when he went out
he wore his dress
all of the people
thought he was a mess
oh, mr. van newspaper
from the printing press
he was a man
but he dressed in a dress
and then when he died
he died in a dress
the worms underground
couldn't care less
then he went to heaven
still wearing his dress
all of the angels
also had a dress
oh, man van newspaper
from the printing press
he was dead
and he dressed in a dress
karin and i used to sing this all the time. my parents must have thought we were weird.
what a weird topic for a song. i made this up when i was about nine. for some reason i just remembered it. (i believe it was inspired by some guy at my church who, by the way, did not dress in a dress. he just hit me with a rolled-up newspaper a lot.)
oh, mr. van newspaper
from the printing press
he was a guy
but he dressed in a dress
when he was born
he dressed in a dress
all of the nurses
were rather impressed
oh, mr. van newspaper
from the printing press
he was just born
and he dressed in a dress
as he grew older
he dressed in a dress
both of his parents
were very depressed
when he went to school
he dressed in a dress
all of his teachers
were very distressed
oh, mr. van newspaper
from the printing press
he was a boy
but he dressed in a dress
when he grew up
he dressed in a dress
none of his bosses
were very impressed
when he went out
he wore his dress
all of the people
thought he was a mess
oh, mr. van newspaper
from the printing press
he was a man
but he dressed in a dress
and then when he died
he died in a dress
the worms underground
couldn't care less
then he went to heaven
still wearing his dress
all of the angels
also had a dress
oh, man van newspaper
from the printing press
he was dead
and he dressed in a dress
karin and i used to sing this all the time. my parents must have thought we were weird.
sunnuntai, heinäkuu 29
RECIPE FOR SUCCESS
Your plan should include the following:
Your plan should include the following:
- A short-tern career goal
- A long-term career goal
- Educational goals
- Your top interest
- Your best abilities
- Targeted areas for improvements
- Required classes
- Career-related elective classes
- Helpful school activities
- Useful estracurricular activities
- Paid or unpaid work experience
- Hobbies or interests
!
news update: karin has finally managed to beat me at you don't know jack, the ride. who knows what will follow? will she overcome my strength in ydkj offline? hm.
news update: karin has finally managed to beat me at you don't know jack, the ride. who knows what will follow? will she overcome my strength in ydkj offline? hm.
CURRENTNESS
listening: powderfinger, _odyssey number five_
surfing: the harb and kitten show. amazing what one randomly comes across.
avoiding: doing work, college applications
listening: powderfinger, _odyssey number five_
surfing: the harb and kitten show. amazing what one randomly comes across.
avoiding: doing work, college applications
WEAKEND
well, yesterday we drove down highway 1 to santa cruz. the problem with that city is that there's way too much traffic. it makes the san francisco streets look like superhighways. spent over an hour moving like three miles. anyway, i visited ucsc which was very different from berkeley. but i think it's my second-favorite uc campus.
boardwalk was fun. but sunny and crowded and full of tourists. what am i saying? i'm a tourist too. later went to jim and eileen's for dinner. aunt eileen's sister kitty and her friend betty were visiting from chicago. we all had dinner and they talked about traveling the whole. freaking. time. something which i don't do.
today we went to rei and i got a kewliezzz backpack. and a water bottle, just because nalgene is my good friend. before that, visited mariani orchards and got some really great peaches and nectarines. i think i'm in fruit heaven.
shite, how has it gotten to be 9 already? i am supposed to be working on my portfolio for work. what a useless project.
well, yesterday we drove down highway 1 to santa cruz. the problem with that city is that there's way too much traffic. it makes the san francisco streets look like superhighways. spent over an hour moving like three miles. anyway, i visited ucsc which was very different from berkeley. but i think it's my second-favorite uc campus.
boardwalk was fun. but sunny and crowded and full of tourists. what am i saying? i'm a tourist too. later went to jim and eileen's for dinner. aunt eileen's sister kitty and her friend betty were visiting from chicago. we all had dinner and they talked about traveling the whole. freaking. time. something which i don't do.
today we went to rei and i got a kewliezzz backpack. and a water bottle, just because nalgene is my good friend. before that, visited mariani orchards and got some really great peaches and nectarines. i think i'm in fruit heaven.
shite, how has it gotten to be 9 already? i am supposed to be working on my portfolio for work. what a useless project.
DREEM
one pathetic part of it was that i went to my math teacher with an error that i found in his corrections on my final exam. it gave me an additional three points, and that gave me an a. is this going to haunt me for life?
one pathetic part of it was that i went to my math teacher with an error that i found in his corrections on my final exam. it gave me an additional three points, and that gave me an a. is this going to haunt me for life?
perjantai, heinäkuu 27
WITH THE RIGHT ALLOCATIONS
i just watched _the family man_. it was a little too long, but interesting. what is some large decision that could potentially affect my life? what if i marry someone and end up with a suburban lifestyle and then i hate it? what if i end up being totally independent but lonely for my whole life?
helping jen with his cursor disappearance right now.
i just watched _the family man_. it was a little too long, but interesting. what is some large decision that could potentially affect my life? what if i marry someone and end up with a suburban lifestyle and then i hate it? what if i end up being totally independent but lonely for my whole life?
helping jen with his cursor disappearance right now.
RELIGION IS A SMILE IN THE DARK
according to beliefnet's belief-o-matic test, this is my match:
Unitarian Universalism (100%)
Secular Humanism (97%)
Liberal Quaker (92%)
Liberal Protestant (87%)
Atheism and Agnosticism (75%)
Theravada Buddhism (74%)
Neo-Paganism (66%)
Taoism (62%)
Bahá'í (58%)
New Age (55%)
Mahayana Buddhism (52%)
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (48%)
Orthodox Quaker (47%)
Reform Judaism (47%)
Latter-day Saint (Mormon) (41%)
Jainism (39%)
New Thought (39%)
Conservative Protestant (37%)
Scientology (34%)
Sikhism (33%)
Jehovah's Witness (29%)
Islam (20%)
Orthodox Judaism (20%)
Seventh Day Adventist (19%)
Hinduism (18%)
Eastern Orthodox (10%)
Roman Catholic (10%)
i don't believe in organized religion.
according to beliefnet's belief-o-matic test, this is my match:
Unitarian Universalism (100%)
Secular Humanism (97%)
Liberal Quaker (92%)
Liberal Protestant (87%)
Atheism and Agnosticism (75%)
Theravada Buddhism (74%)
Neo-Paganism (66%)
Taoism (62%)
Bahá'í (58%)
New Age (55%)
Mahayana Buddhism (52%)
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (48%)
Orthodox Quaker (47%)
Reform Judaism (47%)
Latter-day Saint (Mormon) (41%)
Jainism (39%)
New Thought (39%)
Conservative Protestant (37%)
Scientology (34%)
Sikhism (33%)
Jehovah's Witness (29%)
Islam (20%)
Orthodox Judaism (20%)
Seventh Day Adventist (19%)
Hinduism (18%)
Eastern Orthodox (10%)
Roman Catholic (10%)
i don't believe in organized religion.
BRAINWAX: LAWNS
i can hardly think of anything more beautiful and pointless than a lawn.
lawns are fun to walk on with bare feet, especially when the grass is slightly damp, rather than hot and crunchy due to being baked in the sun for so long. they're also good for looking at when the sun is too bright or in order to wake oneself up. that color green usually lowers melatonin levels.
but around here, lawns are pointless. it's never hot enough such that people actually want to go sit in a sprinkler, and there always seems to be a drought that makes people conserve water and not take care of the lawn. and then there's a large patch of land with brown patches and weeds.
case in point: the many lawns here on base. this is mountain view, california, where the sun is so hot that it dries up most water very quickly. the grass is ugly and patchy. there is a very large piece of it near the entrance, about the size of a football field. there is a statue of an anchor in the middle (why? this used to be a navy base, but they polluted it so much that they moved out), and three paths cross though. however, one is not supposed to walk on the lawn. they don't use it for anything but to take up space.
another example of amazing stupidity stems from the fact that there are lawns for show. i'm sure some people find them amazingly beautiful. i've seen some very nice lawns at some of the many colleges that i have visited. (except at one school, where their grass was dying because it was the middle of winter. they felt the need to paint the grass green.) yet, these lawns are off-limits to people ho would like to frolic happily on these fields. this is a phenomenon that i find bizarre.
more disturbing still are suburban lawns, especially those in southern california. but i won't go into that in further detail.
i can hardly think of anything more beautiful and pointless than a lawn.
lawns are fun to walk on with bare feet, especially when the grass is slightly damp, rather than hot and crunchy due to being baked in the sun for so long. they're also good for looking at when the sun is too bright or in order to wake oneself up. that color green usually lowers melatonin levels.
but around here, lawns are pointless. it's never hot enough such that people actually want to go sit in a sprinkler, and there always seems to be a drought that makes people conserve water and not take care of the lawn. and then there's a large patch of land with brown patches and weeds.
case in point: the many lawns here on base. this is mountain view, california, where the sun is so hot that it dries up most water very quickly. the grass is ugly and patchy. there is a very large piece of it near the entrance, about the size of a football field. there is a statue of an anchor in the middle (why? this used to be a navy base, but they polluted it so much that they moved out), and three paths cross though. however, one is not supposed to walk on the lawn. they don't use it for anything but to take up space.
another example of amazing stupidity stems from the fact that there are lawns for show. i'm sure some people find them amazingly beautiful. i've seen some very nice lawns at some of the many colleges that i have visited. (except at one school, where their grass was dying because it was the middle of winter. they felt the need to paint the grass green.) yet, these lawns are off-limits to people ho would like to frolic happily on these fields. this is a phenomenon that i find bizarre.
more disturbing still are suburban lawns, especially those in southern california. but i won't go into that in further detail.
WHAT MORNING SUN?
my boss cracks me up. she doesn't know it, though. but she does.
this morning she got a light-box that she had ordered a few weeks ago but the company went out of business so she had to order one from elsewhere. she finally received it today and had no place to put it, so then she had to drag in a table from someone's office. but she was so happy. i hardly ever see her that happy. she was telling all her friends about the cool new lightbox she had received.
she was also on the phone later trying to order some chemicals. the person on the other end thought it was so cool that she was from nasa. he thought it was like this super-secret government organization that didn't do normal stuff like order chemicals. and then he started asking about aliens and area 51 and such.
...
should i go to the seti ice cream social that they invited me to ('cos i'm a member/supporter)? i would get to see jill tarter and seth shostak speak. except that i've seen them both a few times and i'm afraid it'll be the introduction to seti speech that i've heard before. a few times. but i'd get to meet other members, even though there aren't very many who are my age.
my boss cracks me up. she doesn't know it, though. but she does.
this morning she got a light-box that she had ordered a few weeks ago but the company went out of business so she had to order one from elsewhere. she finally received it today and had no place to put it, so then she had to drag in a table from someone's office. but she was so happy. i hardly ever see her that happy. she was telling all her friends about the cool new lightbox she had received.
she was also on the phone later trying to order some chemicals. the person on the other end thought it was so cool that she was from nasa. he thought it was like this super-secret government organization that didn't do normal stuff like order chemicals. and then he started asking about aliens and area 51 and such.
...
should i go to the seti ice cream social that they invited me to ('cos i'm a member/supporter)? i would get to see jill tarter and seth shostak speak. except that i've seen them both a few times and i'm afraid it'll be the introduction to seti speech that i've heard before. a few times. but i'd get to meet other members, even though there aren't very many who are my age.
BUY ME
according to humanforsale.com, i am worth exactly: $2,081,588.00.
they hope i can find somebody who is wealthy enough to afford me.
according to humanforsale.com, i am worth exactly: $2,081,588.00.
they hope i can find somebody who is wealthy enough to afford me.
DREEM
i was walking along on the eastern border of the presidio, or maybe it was along funston in the richmond and i saw hanna and diane. i didn't think they knew each other (i don't think they do). anyway, i waved and they stopped and waited. hanna pointed at some kids playing soccer and said that one of them was david, her little brother. i hadn't realized that he had gotten so old (last time i saw him was when he was 2 or 3) but i guess it makes sense. that was a few years ago. i had this flashback of looking in my drawer and deciding to wear a striped shirt and matching pants. how hideous. but anyway.
we decided to cross this street, parks on both sides. by this time we had moved even farther south in the city and i think it was crossover drive/19th avenue. haana and diane crossed okay, but for some reason my legs started to fail when i was halfway across. i was making these giant leaps that weren't taking me anywhere. the light was turning green just as i got to the median, where I threw myself on top of the cement and lay there huddled in a ball, trying to avoid being hit by vehicles. when the light changed, i was suddenly able to walk correctly again, and i finished crossing and resumed walking.
after that, the details were a little vague. i think they were coming to visit me on my base, and i asked if they had badges. they did, and they were official non-visitor passes, unlike mine, which is only temporary.
i was walking along on the eastern border of the presidio, or maybe it was along funston in the richmond and i saw hanna and diane. i didn't think they knew each other (i don't think they do). anyway, i waved and they stopped and waited. hanna pointed at some kids playing soccer and said that one of them was david, her little brother. i hadn't realized that he had gotten so old (last time i saw him was when he was 2 or 3) but i guess it makes sense. that was a few years ago. i had this flashback of looking in my drawer and deciding to wear a striped shirt and matching pants. how hideous. but anyway.
we decided to cross this street, parks on both sides. by this time we had moved even farther south in the city and i think it was crossover drive/19th avenue. haana and diane crossed okay, but for some reason my legs started to fail when i was halfway across. i was making these giant leaps that weren't taking me anywhere. the light was turning green just as i got to the median, where I threw myself on top of the cement and lay there huddled in a ball, trying to avoid being hit by vehicles. when the light changed, i was suddenly able to walk correctly again, and i finished crossing and resumed walking.
after that, the details were a little vague. i think they were coming to visit me on my base, and i asked if they had badges. they did, and they were official non-visitor passes, unlike mine, which is only temporary.
torstai, heinäkuu 26
CURRENTNESS
listening: nothing special, really. for some reason, i was reading ann landers earlier and it reminded me of "henry the eighth" by herman's hermits.
watching: about to go watch _all the pretty horses_
listening: nothing special, really. for some reason, i was reading ann landers earlier and it reminded me of "henry the eighth" by herman's hermits.
watching: about to go watch _all the pretty horses_
huh
also i was reading this. i don't know what to think. it doesn't really correspond with the study i mentioned yesterday. maybe that's the only subject area, though.
also i was reading this. i don't know what to think. it doesn't really correspond with the study i mentioned yesterday. maybe that's the only subject area, though.
SERVER DOWN
actually, my mind is right now.
went to a meeting this morning. i was the first one there, and i was a few minutes early, but dr. hill decided to yell at me when i told him i hadn't received an email disclosing the location of the meeting. he claimed he hadn't received it, and besides, i should have asked him that yesterday instead of after the fact. well, first of all, i did ask it before the fact, and second of all, i was able to guess anyway, otgerwise i wouldn't be asking it "after the fact". he said it was mentioned at the bottom of an email he had sent last week and i should have pieced together the puzzle. i did. see above. then i told him that it was difficult to piece together anything because doing detective work in email folders is usually helped when the emails have subject lines, something which is untrue for most of his. he blamed it on his assistant (which he normally does.) then he wondered why everyone had been standing outside and yelled at me again because of what they were doing (waiting for the speaker to enter) and called us all illogical and stupid and a bunch of other things, telling us we should be able to figure this out when he had chosen us because of our "high grade point averages" and so forth and so on. then, once everyone had entered, he read us a speech about our performance in the teleconference w/ headquarters/kennedy and the underlying tone was complaintive, blaming us for making contructive criticism and letting headquarters hear about it. (that was mostly me, but i was directing it toward kennedy in order to inform them of the difference between our circumstances)
*sigh*
so then after he took up my time with this meeting, which could have been said in fifteen minutes (it lasted for an hour and a half during my lunch hour, and he wouldn't let us eat) i went out to lunch with ashley, latifat, caeleb, alex and phoenix. we basically spent the time complaining about our respective jobs and dr. hill, as well as how little we get paid. ah, the life of an intern.
i found out that alexander whatshisface from the albany high science bowl team was a part of this program last year. anyway, he already knew what he was going to study, so he just used his mentor for computer time. did some project on artificial life. his paper was interesting, but i know the guy, and he's not really my favorite person. doesn't like to eat lunch or talk to people. ashley told me that when she asked him if he wanted to take lunch with her (they were in the same building last summer) he always told her that he didn't eat lunch. i'm glad he went off to college somewhere and i don't have to see him again. crap, though, i bet he's going to berkeley too.
yeah, anyway. oh, and in other news, gabriel carroll, boy math genius, tied for first in the international math olympiad. and i'm sure his teammate also did well. i competed against them both also in science bowl. i'm ust going to be one of those team captains that doesn't go on to enormous fame...at least not for a few years, i would hope. math is not my strong point, even though i am quite fond of it. isn't it wonderful when you read about people you know in national news? no.
actually, my mind is right now.
went to a meeting this morning. i was the first one there, and i was a few minutes early, but dr. hill decided to yell at me when i told him i hadn't received an email disclosing the location of the meeting. he claimed he hadn't received it, and besides, i should have asked him that yesterday instead of after the fact. well, first of all, i did ask it before the fact, and second of all, i was able to guess anyway, otgerwise i wouldn't be asking it "after the fact". he said it was mentioned at the bottom of an email he had sent last week and i should have pieced together the puzzle. i did. see above. then i told him that it was difficult to piece together anything because doing detective work in email folders is usually helped when the emails have subject lines, something which is untrue for most of his. he blamed it on his assistant (which he normally does.) then he wondered why everyone had been standing outside and yelled at me again because of what they were doing (waiting for the speaker to enter) and called us all illogical and stupid and a bunch of other things, telling us we should be able to figure this out when he had chosen us because of our "high grade point averages" and so forth and so on. then, once everyone had entered, he read us a speech about our performance in the teleconference w/ headquarters/kennedy and the underlying tone was complaintive, blaming us for making contructive criticism and letting headquarters hear about it. (that was mostly me, but i was directing it toward kennedy in order to inform them of the difference between our circumstances)
*sigh*
so then after he took up my time with this meeting, which could have been said in fifteen minutes (it lasted for an hour and a half during my lunch hour, and he wouldn't let us eat) i went out to lunch with ashley, latifat, caeleb, alex and phoenix. we basically spent the time complaining about our respective jobs and dr. hill, as well as how little we get paid. ah, the life of an intern.
i found out that alexander whatshisface from the albany high science bowl team was a part of this program last year. anyway, he already knew what he was going to study, so he just used his mentor for computer time. did some project on artificial life. his paper was interesting, but i know the guy, and he's not really my favorite person. doesn't like to eat lunch or talk to people. ashley told me that when she asked him if he wanted to take lunch with her (they were in the same building last summer) he always told her that he didn't eat lunch. i'm glad he went off to college somewhere and i don't have to see him again. crap, though, i bet he's going to berkeley too.
yeah, anyway. oh, and in other news, gabriel carroll, boy math genius, tied for first in the international math olympiad. and i'm sure his teammate also did well. i competed against them both also in science bowl. i'm ust going to be one of those team captains that doesn't go on to enormous fame...at least not for a few years, i would hope. math is not my strong point, even though i am quite fond of it. isn't it wonderful when you read about people you know in national news? no.
keskiviikko, heinäkuu 25
MATERIALIZM
here are some things i want. you can buy them for me if you feel nice.
watch
boots -to appease my shoe fetish
new backpack -my old one falleth apart
skirt -in blue, 'cos it matches my shirt
t-shirt that i have coveted
here are some things i want. you can buy them for me if you feel nice.
watch
boots -to appease my shoe fetish
new backpack -my old one falleth apart
skirt -in blue, 'cos it matches my shirt
t-shirt that i have coveted
ON LIVEJOURNAL
i don't use livejournal, except to comment on other people's posts. why? for me, it's obly advantage is that there's more of a community feel to it. i like the interest/community aspects of it, but i don't like the facts that you can't make a multiuser journal, publish on your own server (which i will do someday), or set your own template (unless you pay extra). also, i like that blogger has a recently updated feature and blog spotlight on their main page. i have fun with that. randomly looking at people's lives. plus, they have less server outages. (when bored at work, i browse through journals. lj always seems to be slow or down for 13 hours every day during peak hours.)
anyway, i was surfing through lj this afternoon, and this was my favorite that i came across (for which i don't know the author): recrea33
i don't use livejournal, except to comment on other people's posts. why? for me, it's obly advantage is that there's more of a community feel to it. i like the interest/community aspects of it, but i don't like the facts that you can't make a multiuser journal, publish on your own server (which i will do someday), or set your own template (unless you pay extra). also, i like that blogger has a recently updated feature and blog spotlight on their main page. i have fun with that. randomly looking at people's lives. plus, they have less server outages. (when bored at work, i browse through journals. lj always seems to be slow or down for 13 hours every day during peak hours.)
anyway, i was surfing through lj this afternoon, and this was my favorite that i came across (for which i don't know the author): recrea33
10 JOBS THAT DON'T SEEM FUN
- guy who pumps out port-o-pottis
- usher at movie theater
- tire changer
- bank teller
- undertaker
- wildlife biologist in northern greenland
- secret service
- bus driver
- nobility
- overworked underpaid deskjob person
10 WHY LOS ANGELES SUCKS
- it's hot&smoggy
- no real center
- artificial culture
- everything they want is big
- hollywood
- no good public transit
- it's in southern california
- did i mention the cars and the smog?
- blended together
- amoeba is opening a branch there which will prolly become larger than mine on haight. not fair. san francisco always gets overshadowed.
I FEEL WANTED
national council for research on women: balancing the equation: where are women and girls in science, engineering and technology?
national council for research on women: balancing the equation: where are women and girls in science, engineering and technology?
tiistai, heinäkuu 24
I READ THE NEWZ TODAY O BOY
the news of the day is: landslide victory for me on wod. i'm a great lord now, despite my double x chromosomes. got twice as many votes as whoever else was running. so i can feel a little more confident about my fake self's future than i can about my own.
now i have to redo my entire character history, though. and if i get married i'll have to do it once again. so i might as well wait, eh? and build a new house. and make everyone move out of my house that's living there (my alt and karin). and find them new places to live. so yeah.
the news of the day is: landslide victory for me on wod. i'm a great lord now, despite my double x chromosomes. got twice as many votes as whoever else was running. so i can feel a little more confident about my fake self's future than i can about my own.
now i have to redo my entire character history, though. and if i get married i'll have to do it once again. so i might as well wait, eh? and build a new house. and make everyone move out of my house that's living there (my alt and karin). and find them new places to live. so yeah.
MY NEW FAVORITE SHOW
is the downer channel. this is my life on the tv set.
whistling is bad.
yesterday i told meredith i'd go to her show, but then i didn't today. i was too tired and i have to work tomorrow. como de costumbre. she has other people to support her there. besides, it's not like my friends come and see whatever i do.
is the downer channel. this is my life on the tv set.
whistling is bad.
yesterday i told meredith i'd go to her show, but then i didn't today. i was too tired and i have to work tomorrow. como de costumbre. she has other people to support her there. besides, it's not like my friends come and see whatever i do.
make it go away
the college admissions process.
it has made my life into hell for the past three years. think of it. if i had spent the same amount of time actually listening to high school rather than worrying about the next step during the last few years, i could have probably enjoyed english.
i tried to convince my parents that early applications were very bad for me. why? then they pay more attention to me as a sophomore, and me as a sophomore was not a pretty picture. also i don't have a chance to get settled into my senior year. or take the sat over again. or live or breathe.
early applications for me mean early rejections. and then i'll just give up.
the college admissions process.
it has made my life into hell for the past three years. think of it. if i had spent the same amount of time actually listening to high school rather than worrying about the next step during the last few years, i could have probably enjoyed english.
i tried to convince my parents that early applications were very bad for me. why? then they pay more attention to me as a sophomore, and me as a sophomore was not a pretty picture. also i don't have a chance to get settled into my senior year. or take the sat over again. or live or breathe.
early applications for me mean early rejections. and then i'll just give up.
CURRENTNESS
listening: arling & cameron, _music for imaginary films_
reading: james gleick, _genius_ (bio of richard feynman)
surfing: "nightmares come true" at RAI. Odd story.
listening: arling & cameron, _music for imaginary films_
reading: james gleick, _genius_ (bio of richard feynman)
surfing: "nightmares come true" at RAI. Odd story.
RATE ME
i just took a personality test. for amusement. here is what it said i am at risk for:
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Very High
i don't know what some of those are. when i find out, i'll be able to tell whether i figured that or not.
i just took a personality test. for amusement. here is what it said i am at risk for:
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Very High
i don't know what some of those are. when i find out, i'll be able to tell whether i figured that or not.
Q:
should i get rid of the ad on this page?
i've been sitting in my office since 10am and my boss hasn't shown up. i don't know where she could be. i told her i had a teleconference.
the conference was funny, mostly because dr. hill got really mad at us after it was over. why? because we were giving constructive criticism on yesterday's docking activity and giving suggestions and saying that it was difficult and stuff due to the fact that while the people at kennedy has a whole warehouse room in which to do the activity, we had a conference room, half of which was taken up by a table. so it was a tight fit. and he wanted us to say something about all the trouble he went through just to get that room and all the equipment. well, isn't that his job? he gave us unclear instructions for the whole thing, changed the room about five times (leading me in circles around the base), and took us out of our labs. (not that i do anything in mine, but other people do.)
yeah.
should i get rid of the ad on this page?
i've been sitting in my office since 10am and my boss hasn't shown up. i don't know where she could be. i told her i had a teleconference.
the conference was funny, mostly because dr. hill got really mad at us after it was over. why? because we were giving constructive criticism on yesterday's docking activity and giving suggestions and saying that it was difficult and stuff due to the fact that while the people at kennedy has a whole warehouse room in which to do the activity, we had a conference room, half of which was taken up by a table. so it was a tight fit. and he wanted us to say something about all the trouble he went through just to get that room and all the equipment. well, isn't that his job? he gave us unclear instructions for the whole thing, changed the room about five times (leading me in circles around the base), and took us out of our labs. (not that i do anything in mine, but other people do.)
yeah.
DREEM
this morning i had an odd dream. i was walking through golden gate park at the east end and talking to someone. i don't know who it was, and it doesn't really matter. so anyway. s/he said something about secret monuments built in the park for john lennon, and told me to go behind this one tree which looked like a monterey cyprus. that i did, and i found a banana sticking out of the ground. i looked at my companion and s/he nodded. i decided to replace it, so i took it out of the dirt and threw it away, since it was getting to be overripe.
then i walked over to mcclaren lodge, only a block away. there was no street. it had disappeared into a lawn. there were some barriers set up like crowd control fences, like they have in long lines at theme parks. it was about 6 am so there were only a few tourists waiting there. i asked karin what it was, and she said they were in line to see the "creep painting". whatever that was.
later i had a different dream involving rio nido, vats of wine, mattresses and mutant varieties of poison oak.
this morning i had an odd dream. i was walking through golden gate park at the east end and talking to someone. i don't know who it was, and it doesn't really matter. so anyway. s/he said something about secret monuments built in the park for john lennon, and told me to go behind this one tree which looked like a monterey cyprus. that i did, and i found a banana sticking out of the ground. i looked at my companion and s/he nodded. i decided to replace it, so i took it out of the dirt and threw it away, since it was getting to be overripe.
then i walked over to mcclaren lodge, only a block away. there was no street. it had disappeared into a lawn. there were some barriers set up like crowd control fences, like they have in long lines at theme parks. it was about 6 am so there were only a few tourists waiting there. i asked karin what it was, and she said they were in line to see the "creep painting". whatever that was.
later i had a different dream involving rio nido, vats of wine, mattresses and mutant varieties of poison oak.
maanantai, heinäkuu 23
KAT == PISSED
log from wod:
[Public] Ne'rahl: If you don't mind me saying this, uhm... a woman for a Great Lord?
[Public] Ka'tran: Bah.
[Public] Ka'tran: This is modified D'ni. We already have another female GL.
[Public] Ka'tran: If we were trying to replicate the books, we'd have no female players.
[Public] Ne'rahl: Ah... okay then. I see it now. (kind of :)
[Public] Ka'tran: Besides, what /exactly/ do you have against women in positions of power? :)
[Public] Ne'rahl: Uhm... this isn't the place to discuss that, really. (It has to do with my religion...)
[Public] Ka'tran: Ah. Well, this is a fake society.
[Public] Ne'rahl: But I see your point about there being no female players otherwise.
[Public] Ka'tran nods.
[Public] Ka'tran: Well, feel free to vote for whomever you please.
i dislike intolerant religions. they say that not being religious makes people evil or without morals or whatever. well, i think that my non-religion is a lot more forgiving of people for existing in some certain manner than that of others.
just the second anti-feminist comment i've endured today that has pissed me off.
log from wod:
[Public] Ne'rahl: If you don't mind me saying this, uhm... a woman for a Great Lord?
[Public] Ka'tran: Bah.
[Public] Ka'tran: This is modified D'ni. We already have another female GL.
[Public] Ka'tran: If we were trying to replicate the books, we'd have no female players.
[Public] Ne'rahl: Ah... okay then. I see it now. (kind of :)
[Public] Ka'tran: Besides, what /exactly/ do you have against women in positions of power? :)
[Public] Ne'rahl: Uhm... this isn't the place to discuss that, really. (It has to do with my religion...)
[Public] Ka'tran: Ah. Well, this is a fake society.
[Public] Ne'rahl: But I see your point about there being no female players otherwise.
[Public] Ka'tran nods.
[Public] Ka'tran: Well, feel free to vote for whomever you please.
i dislike intolerant religions. they say that not being religious makes people evil or without morals or whatever. well, i think that my non-religion is a lot more forgiving of people for existing in some certain manner than that of others.
just the second anti-feminist comment i've endured today that has pissed me off.
CONFERENCE
thank god for teleconferencing. it kept me out of another day of tiresome measurements. i spent about three hours in conference with all the other sharp installations around the country. this involved getting up way too early for me, but it was fun. some of the presentations weren't particularly intelligible, but that was the fault of the sound system or the video. probably the most interesting thing was someone from goddard talking about a ctv (continous variable transmission). the funniest things were someone saying "what does studying sea turtles have to do with science?" and this girl who sounded like she had a fake british accent the whole time, but it was real. and she could be a game show host. in fact, she could grow up to be my conscience. scary.
tomorrow we're doing another one, but this time discussing the experiments we did. the ones that no one did for real, because they were intended for fifth graders or physics for people with nothing but a brain stem. in other words, roll a ball across a table. steady motion. roll it down a ramp. acceleration. woo. but we had to finish the main activity, a docking simulation today. that was fun. i was the blindfolded pilot and even though everyone could hear what was being said over my headpiece, i still relayed the instructions rather well. kudos to eric l. for being a good mission control dude and erik, erica (i notice a pattern, hm?), phoenix and frank for being good engines. indeed.
my parents made me a list of colleges i should apply to tonight. they scare me. (the colleges, that is)
thank god for teleconferencing. it kept me out of another day of tiresome measurements. i spent about three hours in conference with all the other sharp installations around the country. this involved getting up way too early for me, but it was fun. some of the presentations weren't particularly intelligible, but that was the fault of the sound system or the video. probably the most interesting thing was someone from goddard talking about a ctv (continous variable transmission). the funniest things were someone saying "what does studying sea turtles have to do with science?" and this girl who sounded like she had a fake british accent the whole time, but it was real. and she could be a game show host. in fact, she could grow up to be my conscience. scary.
tomorrow we're doing another one, but this time discussing the experiments we did. the ones that no one did for real, because they were intended for fifth graders or physics for people with nothing but a brain stem. in other words, roll a ball across a table. steady motion. roll it down a ramp. acceleration. woo. but we had to finish the main activity, a docking simulation today. that was fun. i was the blindfolded pilot and even though everyone could hear what was being said over my headpiece, i still relayed the instructions rather well. kudos to eric l. for being a good mission control dude and erik, erica (i notice a pattern, hm?), phoenix and frank for being good engines. indeed.
my parents made me a list of colleges i should apply to tonight. they scare me. (the colleges, that is)
sunnuntai, heinäkuu 22
GOTTA GO TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW
i am having insomnia again. there was a little light coming into my room last night. i'm turning into a vampire or something. then i woke up this morning before my alarm even though i had gotten very little sleep and i couldn't go back to sleep again. so i just lay there and thought about how there was more light in my room than outside, thus i couldn't see the crack in my doorway.
i don't know why my door was so closed, but i suddenly felt very trapped in my bed. like i couldn't go open it. and i felt like there was a lack of oxygen suddenly and couldn't breathe. even when i stopped panicking,
i am having insomnia again. there was a little light coming into my room last night. i'm turning into a vampire or something. then i woke up this morning before my alarm even though i had gotten very little sleep and i couldn't go back to sleep again. so i just lay there and thought about how there was more light in my room than outside, thus i couldn't see the crack in my doorway.
i don't know why my door was so closed, but i suddenly felt very trapped in my bed. like i couldn't go open it. and i felt like there was a lack of oxygen suddenly and couldn't breathe. even when i stopped panicking,
LYFE
people who cap on me for not liking my job. no more on this subject.
well, i went to work today, to the place at which i actually enjoy working. and i'm appreciated. not loved, but still valued. dar made me train people again, which was okay. we went around and looked at pendulum and repetitive motion exhibits. i keep seeing patterns in things that are only obvious to me. i feel like a trained physicist now. i can look at something and say "what a nice sinusoid" even when it's only in one dimension. so my coworkers think i'm crazy. anyway, work was unexpectedly nice today. something was weird. maybe people are back from somewhere. adriana was there, and she was funny as usual. she's never in a bad mood. no people that i normally get pissed at. some people seem to have taken up residence in my locker though. i was sharing it with andrew, and then he let his brother in too, and then someone else is there also. i don't know who.
for dinner we went out with the klemeyers. jenny and karin were being rather chatty, and my parents talked to her parents nonstop about travelling, and i just sort of sat there and ate. it was at the olympic country club. it's weird having a country club in the city. i hate it. i had to wear nice-ish stuff, which meant a skirt, and not only was i freezing my butt off, but i realized that i had missed shaving one of my knees. and i kept seeing people who used to go to my school. that place is like a haven for people who have too much time and money.
people who cap on me for not liking my job. no more on this subject.
well, i went to work today, to the place at which i actually enjoy working. and i'm appreciated. not loved, but still valued. dar made me train people again, which was okay. we went around and looked at pendulum and repetitive motion exhibits. i keep seeing patterns in things that are only obvious to me. i feel like a trained physicist now. i can look at something and say "what a nice sinusoid" even when it's only in one dimension. so my coworkers think i'm crazy. anyway, work was unexpectedly nice today. something was weird. maybe people are back from somewhere. adriana was there, and she was funny as usual. she's never in a bad mood. no people that i normally get pissed at. some people seem to have taken up residence in my locker though. i was sharing it with andrew, and then he let his brother in too, and then someone else is there also. i don't know who.
for dinner we went out with the klemeyers. jenny and karin were being rather chatty, and my parents talked to her parents nonstop about travelling, and i just sort of sat there and ate. it was at the olympic country club. it's weird having a country club in the city. i hate it. i had to wear nice-ish stuff, which meant a skirt, and not only was i freezing my butt off, but i realized that i had missed shaving one of my knees. and i kept seeing people who used to go to my school. that place is like a haven for people who have too much time and money.
lauantai, heinäkuu 21
WEIRD
my dad thinks i'm unhappy. i can't imagine why, considering they just left me alone for a while while everyone else got to go on vacation, and i had to spend 25 hours a week commuting to a job that i hate, that doesn't pay me enough, and i have even less time to have a life. i mean, i don't have a life. i don't have friends who can invite me off to places. i have a university that sends me stuff about events that i can't do because i still have to go to high school.
all this time i have to act cheerful. i'm the most fucking cheerful person on the planet usually. i sound excited about everything. and now someone's started to see through this. meanwhile, other people will say out loud that they don't want to listen to me. but i don't want to seem constrantly depressed or down all the time, like meredith. no, i have to be the one who says to her that she's fine, and set a good example of being happy with myself when i'm obviously not. i have to be the one who solves problems and is superhuman, the girl with two jobs that she loves and wouldn't do anything else with her time if she were asked. the person who doesn't mind doing menial work all for the sake of science. and i have to be smart and witty and insightful all the time. it's not that i don't want to be. i just feel underappreciated. here i am with what everyone says should be my dream job. well, it isn't. stop telling me that i should like my work better just because it's something other than working at the mall. just because i don't work in retail or some other typical job for students doesn't mean that my job is the best one in the world. i can be less loved than any employee at a record store or anything like that. i never get a chance to be employee of the month. i don't get a nametag and i don't get to talk to people. i just sit in front of my stupid computer (which someone else discarded because it's slow and crashes all the time) and do stuff that i was told to do as a challenge. my program's coordinator fucking gave it to me as a challenge. as the only person in the whole program who requested to be in a department, everyone else got put there except me. i got to spend all my summer doing stuff that i decided i never wanted to do when i was about 11. and it's not exactly going to turn me on to engineering. it's not going to make me think that these people are interesting. i'm sure they're fine outside of the office, but when i'm there, they're just boring. i like my other job so much more, where i get to interact and be creative. yes, one can be creative with a scalpel.
i couldn't sleep last night because i was too restless. i just sort of lay there for an hour. after a while, i went to go see if there was anything that would put me to sleep. i found some sleeping pills and then i realized i had taken one too many. i shouldn't trust myself. i should have just tried to fall asleep on my own.
my dad thinks i'm unhappy. i can't imagine why, considering they just left me alone for a while while everyone else got to go on vacation, and i had to spend 25 hours a week commuting to a job that i hate, that doesn't pay me enough, and i have even less time to have a life. i mean, i don't have a life. i don't have friends who can invite me off to places. i have a university that sends me stuff about events that i can't do because i still have to go to high school.
all this time i have to act cheerful. i'm the most fucking cheerful person on the planet usually. i sound excited about everything. and now someone's started to see through this. meanwhile, other people will say out loud that they don't want to listen to me. but i don't want to seem constrantly depressed or down all the time, like meredith. no, i have to be the one who says to her that she's fine, and set a good example of being happy with myself when i'm obviously not. i have to be the one who solves problems and is superhuman, the girl with two jobs that she loves and wouldn't do anything else with her time if she were asked. the person who doesn't mind doing menial work all for the sake of science. and i have to be smart and witty and insightful all the time. it's not that i don't want to be. i just feel underappreciated. here i am with what everyone says should be my dream job. well, it isn't. stop telling me that i should like my work better just because it's something other than working at the mall. just because i don't work in retail or some other typical job for students doesn't mean that my job is the best one in the world. i can be less loved than any employee at a record store or anything like that. i never get a chance to be employee of the month. i don't get a nametag and i don't get to talk to people. i just sit in front of my stupid computer (which someone else discarded because it's slow and crashes all the time) and do stuff that i was told to do as a challenge. my program's coordinator fucking gave it to me as a challenge. as the only person in the whole program who requested to be in a department, everyone else got put there except me. i got to spend all my summer doing stuff that i decided i never wanted to do when i was about 11. and it's not exactly going to turn me on to engineering. it's not going to make me think that these people are interesting. i'm sure they're fine outside of the office, but when i'm there, they're just boring. i like my other job so much more, where i get to interact and be creative. yes, one can be creative with a scalpel.
i couldn't sleep last night because i was too restless. i just sort of lay there for an hour. after a while, i went to go see if there was anything that would put me to sleep. i found some sleeping pills and then i realized i had taken one too many. i shouldn't trust myself. i should have just tried to fall asleep on my own.
LIST OF 10 THINGS
- blow up alien
- hunting spear
- it's sharpie man!
- clock that doesn't work
- our philosophy is simple
- flukeman action figure
- collections of fairy tales
- 1000 hours free!
- in order to save themselves
- alka-seltzer pigeons
OBZERVATION
the house, after being vacuumed, smells excessively like pot roast. i think the appliance is broken.
'cause kat abhors a vacuum.
i would really like it if my ftp server would let me log in. i haven't been able to do anything with my website for about a year. i think i'll call up my isp and ask what's up with that.
the house, after being vacuumed, smells excessively like pot roast. i think the appliance is broken.
'cause kat abhors a vacuum.
i would really like it if my ftp server would let me log in. i haven't been able to do anything with my website for about a year. i think i'll call up my isp and ask what's up with that.
GRUMPAGE
i'm beginning to think maybe i should just go off and become a hermit. it seems like everyone wants me to be one, anyway. i'll just go off and study whatever i feel like and then i don't have to worry about people leaving, because there won't be any. karin's leaving again. she always seems to get invited to go places. now she's going off to sonoma with marjorie. who has some sort of mansion there, with a pool and tennis courts and such. where do i get to go with friends? the mall. and my friends aren't exactly the type with enormous estates in places. ah, the life of the unnecessarily rich. who are named things like buffy.
looks like i'm not going to be able to go to thom's party next weekend. i have to go to santa cruz. i forget why, but i know i planned this like a month ago and then forgot about it.
i'm beginning to think maybe i should just go off and become a hermit. it seems like everyone wants me to be one, anyway. i'll just go off and study whatever i feel like and then i don't have to worry about people leaving, because there won't be any. karin's leaving again. she always seems to get invited to go places. now she's going off to sonoma with marjorie. who has some sort of mansion there, with a pool and tennis courts and such. where do i get to go with friends? the mall. and my friends aren't exactly the type with enormous estates in places. ah, the life of the unnecessarily rich. who are named things like buffy.
looks like i'm not going to be able to go to thom's party next weekend. i have to go to santa cruz. i forget why, but i know i planned this like a month ago and then forgot about it.
CURRENTNESS
listening: sparklehorse, _good morning spider_. they're coming out with a new album august 28! i be happy.
watching: i'm in the middle of thirteen days. we've only gotten through about five of them so far.
surfing: obi-wan homepage. funny stuff.
listening: sparklehorse, _good morning spider_. they're coming out with a new album august 28! i be happy.
watching: i'm in the middle of thirteen days. we've only gotten through about five of them so far.
surfing: obi-wan homepage. funny stuff.
LATE-NIGHT STUPH
this is around the time when i start to get all pathetic and introspective. you may want to skip this post, because it'll be worse than usual.
i'm excessively skwirmy right now. i can't sit still. i need to be sedated. it's not that i'm hyperactive, but that i'm impatient. i can't figure out what i'm waiting for, but whatever it is, i'm obviously not getting that need fulfilled. maybe i should go out and have sex with strangers. but that probably wouldn't do me any good at all. i just feel like something is missing from my life. every day at about 7:40am i feel it. i can pinpoint a few things: someone who cares about me, excitement. i lead a rather lonely and lackluster life. even though i've never really had either. you don't know what you've got till it's gone. no, wait, wrong expression. i seem to be able to feel an absence even though i've never had the presence. like a ghost limb of a limb i was born without.
the emptiness is disturbing, though. i read a book about nothing. it wasn't as sad as this is. pretty soon i'm going to end up like i was three years ago. and i don't want that to happen.
this is around the time when i start to get all pathetic and introspective. you may want to skip this post, because it'll be worse than usual.
i'm excessively skwirmy right now. i can't sit still. i need to be sedated. it's not that i'm hyperactive, but that i'm impatient. i can't figure out what i'm waiting for, but whatever it is, i'm obviously not getting that need fulfilled. maybe i should go out and have sex with strangers. but that probably wouldn't do me any good at all. i just feel like something is missing from my life. every day at about 7:40am i feel it. i can pinpoint a few things: someone who cares about me, excitement. i lead a rather lonely and lackluster life. even though i've never really had either. you don't know what you've got till it's gone. no, wait, wrong expression. i seem to be able to feel an absence even though i've never had the presence. like a ghost limb of a limb i was born without.
the emptiness is disturbing, though. i read a book about nothing. it wasn't as sad as this is. pretty soon i'm going to end up like i was three years ago. and i don't want that to happen.
perjantai, heinäkuu 20
UPDATE
karin is back. so now the house is sufficiently noisy again. it sure is. she just paid me a dollar to do her chores for her. i'm sick of being paid to do stuff for other people.
karin is back. so now the house is sufficiently noisy again. it sure is. she just paid me a dollar to do her chores for her. i'm sick of being paid to do stuff for other people.
CURRENTNESS
reading: m. mitchell waldrop, _complexity_. this is a really interesting book.
listening: well, the radio. 'cause i'm at work and this is all i have on me. right now it's gorillaz. now, this is an interesting band. they're cartoons. anyway, i immediately recognized damon albarn [of blur]'s voice. and i like their song, "clint eastwood". it got an interesting review. i'll check it out. the other thing i've been listening to all day is the music in my head. i have "short skirt long jacket" stuck there. i really like that song. cake rocks.
surfing: pitchfork media
reading: m. mitchell waldrop, _complexity_. this is a really interesting book.
listening: well, the radio. 'cause i'm at work and this is all i have on me. right now it's gorillaz. now, this is an interesting band. they're cartoons. anyway, i immediately recognized damon albarn [of blur]'s voice. and i like their song, "clint eastwood". it got an interesting review. i'll check it out. the other thing i've been listening to all day is the music in my head. i have "short skirt long jacket" stuck there. i really like that song. cake rocks.
surfing: pitchfork media
IDOL THOUGHT
i really admire polyglots. murray gell-mann, the physicist who discovered quarks, spoke like three dozen languages. i only speak two. so i've decided to learn another one, just for the sake of learning something. it can't be useful, though. the astrophysics department wants me to learn french, german, japanese or russian. i'm thinking how about not? but it can't be too useless, like a made-up language like klingon. or d'ni (i still remember about half the d'ni i learned a few years ago. i can still write my name, too.)
here is a list:
it would also be nice to know how to program. alex is teaching me tcl, which is nice and useless. i used to know basic, but i haven't done anything with it for five years now. i'm afraid that if i actually learn something useful, i'll drop astrophysics because it's too hard and study computer science or something, and that will suck. so.
i really admire polyglots. murray gell-mann, the physicist who discovered quarks, spoke like three dozen languages. i only speak two. so i've decided to learn another one, just for the sake of learning something. it can't be useful, though. the astrophysics department wants me to learn french, german, japanese or russian. i'm thinking how about not? but it can't be too useless, like a made-up language like klingon. or d'ni (i still remember about half the d'ni i learned a few years ago. i can still write my name, too.)
here is a list:
- czech
- swedish
- welsh
- esperanto (i forget most of what i learned)
- hindi/urdu
- navajo
- the african click language, i forget what it's called
it would also be nice to know how to program. alex is teaching me tcl, which is nice and useless. i used to know basic, but i haven't done anything with it for five years now. i'm afraid that if i actually learn something useful, i'll drop astrophysics because it's too hard and study computer science or something, and that will suck. so.
STANDARDIZE THIS
well, evidently i've had sat scores sitting on the mail pile for two weeks and i didn't even realize it. funny, isn't it. my parents got them before me even though they were gone.
i guess i might as well summarize all my test scores just for the sake of any college representatives who may be out there saying "gee we want this girl":
PSAT:
780 math
730 verbal
780 writing
SAT I:
800 math
700 verbal
SAT II:
770 chemistry
750 math IIc
770 writing
790 biology
AP:
5 spanish language
5 biology
well, at school it's like i have a shirt with my scores on it anyway. everyone seems to know before me what i got. either that or they are just excellent at making predictions. and then it's like this invisible label that hangs over my head for the rest of my high school career. so might as well come out and say what i got just so anyone who may be reading this who attends my school can smile and see if they were right.
the thing is, it makes me self-conscious about my scores. i know that 700 is a good scores for verbal, but it's lower than everything else. thus, i will take the fucking test over again to see if i can make that 1500 into a 1550 or so. dammit, i hate doing this. why can't i just score like 1200 and not have to worry about whether i represent the same thing that my numbers do? go beyond the numbers, even.
oh well. back to putting x-rays in envelopes for me.
well, evidently i've had sat scores sitting on the mail pile for two weeks and i didn't even realize it. funny, isn't it. my parents got them before me even though they were gone.
i guess i might as well summarize all my test scores just for the sake of any college representatives who may be out there saying "gee we want this girl":
PSAT:
780 math
730 verbal
780 writing
SAT I:
800 math
700 verbal
SAT II:
770 chemistry
750 math IIc
770 writing
790 biology
AP:
5 spanish language
5 biology
well, at school it's like i have a shirt with my scores on it anyway. everyone seems to know before me what i got. either that or they are just excellent at making predictions. and then it's like this invisible label that hangs over my head for the rest of my high school career. so might as well come out and say what i got just so anyone who may be reading this who attends my school can smile and see if they were right.
the thing is, it makes me self-conscious about my scores. i know that 700 is a good scores for verbal, but it's lower than everything else. thus, i will take the fucking test over again to see if i can make that 1500 into a 1550 or so. dammit, i hate doing this. why can't i just score like 1200 and not have to worry about whether i represent the same thing that my numbers do? go beyond the numbers, even.
oh well. back to putting x-rays in envelopes for me.
10 THINGS THAT ARE KEWLIEZZZ
- organic food
- game theory
- the shirt my mom got me in florence
- life (the computer game)
- the color cerulean
- general cooperation
- the webby awards
- cookie from you don't know jack
- the sunspot cycle
- liv's journal
C.A.R.A.M.B.A.
i am so very bored here. i just finished writing a report on the second group of cubes. fortunately, i don't have to deal with the 1200 or so billets that some company has ordered. those start in november. and my then, i'll be gone. only three more weeks of this job!! three. more. weeks.
last night sophy im'ed me. i feel sort of bad for abandoning that whole community. i know they're rebelled against the new snowball admin again and started a new set of boards. isn't it funny how these things go? it's like an exact mirror of my life in text games. i think i'll maybe go hang out with them again. i really need some friends who aren't male, for one.
i have to think about applying to schools right now. even though i hate it. i have to send off for some applications and start on my essays. the thing is, this is sort of a pointless exercise for me. obviously i know that every one of the colleges i'm applying to is a reach. i've probably already found my perfect fit, but i have to consider it a backup for the sake of not making my counselor get too stressed out. and my parents. i mean, what would be the point of me even taking high school classes next year if i just decided to go to berkeley? nothing. everything i'm taking is college-level anyway. senior year is just there to give you time to apply for universities, i swear. i'm beginning to wish that my parents had just skipped me through kindergarten or first grade so my life would be easier and i wouldn't have to think about skipping my final year of high school, or a year of college. (i don't want to do the latter because then i would only have time to study classes for my degree and then get out. i like learning stuff, really, and i prefer college over high school, because there's so much more.) seriously, though. i know sam skipped two years of school, because he's almost a year younger than me and he just graduated. he's really smart, though, like insanely smart.
but since kindergarten and first grade were just exercises in stupidity for me, it probably would have been better if i had not done them. all i did was play with blocks. i knew how to read before kindergarten, i think when i was three or so. i knew how to add numbers, a fact which mrs. noonan was so eager to suppress. when i was six, i was figuring out concepts that weren't being taught to me, and i couldn't say anything because the teacher would shut me up. a few years later, i almost failed fourth grade because i was having social issues with my class, someting that would have been easily avoided if i hadn't been with them for so long. now, at age 17, i just feel imprisoned by the bureaucracy of my school district, which would have let me graduate last year if i had taken another year of english, but they wouldn't let me double my english classes. how frustrating.
i am so very bored here. i just finished writing a report on the second group of cubes. fortunately, i don't have to deal with the 1200 or so billets that some company has ordered. those start in november. and my then, i'll be gone. only three more weeks of this job!! three. more. weeks.
last night sophy im'ed me. i feel sort of bad for abandoning that whole community. i know they're rebelled against the new snowball admin again and started a new set of boards. isn't it funny how these things go? it's like an exact mirror of my life in text games. i think i'll maybe go hang out with them again. i really need some friends who aren't male, for one.
i have to think about applying to schools right now. even though i hate it. i have to send off for some applications and start on my essays. the thing is, this is sort of a pointless exercise for me. obviously i know that every one of the colleges i'm applying to is a reach. i've probably already found my perfect fit, but i have to consider it a backup for the sake of not making my counselor get too stressed out. and my parents. i mean, what would be the point of me even taking high school classes next year if i just decided to go to berkeley? nothing. everything i'm taking is college-level anyway. senior year is just there to give you time to apply for universities, i swear. i'm beginning to wish that my parents had just skipped me through kindergarten or first grade so my life would be easier and i wouldn't have to think about skipping my final year of high school, or a year of college. (i don't want to do the latter because then i would only have time to study classes for my degree and then get out. i like learning stuff, really, and i prefer college over high school, because there's so much more.) seriously, though. i know sam skipped two years of school, because he's almost a year younger than me and he just graduated. he's really smart, though, like insanely smart.
but since kindergarten and first grade were just exercises in stupidity for me, it probably would have been better if i had not done them. all i did was play with blocks. i knew how to read before kindergarten, i think when i was three or so. i knew how to add numbers, a fact which mrs. noonan was so eager to suppress. when i was six, i was figuring out concepts that weren't being taught to me, and i couldn't say anything because the teacher would shut me up. a few years later, i almost failed fourth grade because i was having social issues with my class, someting that would have been easily avoided if i hadn't been with them for so long. now, at age 17, i just feel imprisoned by the bureaucracy of my school district, which would have let me graduate last year if i had taken another year of english, but they wouldn't let me double my english classes. how frustrating.
torstai, heinäkuu 19
*YAWN*
here i am again. for some reason, wod and null are both down, so that sort of disconnects me from my buddies. that means it'll not be up again for a few days, because q's out of town. damn. i'm going to be so bored at work tomorrow. so very, very bored.
well, it was an exciting day of not doing much. in the morning we gave a tour of the sirca lab to some students from stanford, and then i went and did stuff for a while, and then i went back to listen to those students make presentations about my favorite topic, materials science. i was about to die of chemicals. then mr. jow came and talked. i just cannot escape lowell. he talked to us about colleges, the talk that i've heard about a million times too many, and i bet i'll hear it again this fall from my counselor again. shni. been there, done that. if only i didn't actually have to apply. finally, i went to go have lunch, and learned that there's no such thing as a free lunch worth eating. the bread was like, old, and covered in mustard. and they were out of drinks. so i didn't have lunch and so erica and i went directly to go see the astrobiology academy presentations. that was the highlight of my day. maybe of my week. they were actually really interesting. i think we were the only people there who weren't involved with the academy, but still. i heard about the search for comets and asteroids using the occultation method, the vision-action dissociation hypothesis, the landing site for the mission i'm working on (mars 2003) and then sandstorms on mars. maybe i'll go back and hear the final ones tomorrow.
my parents got garlic chocolate in italy. it's odd.
here i am again. for some reason, wod and null are both down, so that sort of disconnects me from my buddies. that means it'll not be up again for a few days, because q's out of town. damn. i'm going to be so bored at work tomorrow. so very, very bored.
well, it was an exciting day of not doing much. in the morning we gave a tour of the sirca lab to some students from stanford, and then i went and did stuff for a while, and then i went back to listen to those students make presentations about my favorite topic, materials science. i was about to die of chemicals. then mr. jow came and talked. i just cannot escape lowell. he talked to us about colleges, the talk that i've heard about a million times too many, and i bet i'll hear it again this fall from my counselor again. shni. been there, done that. if only i didn't actually have to apply. finally, i went to go have lunch, and learned that there's no such thing as a free lunch worth eating. the bread was like, old, and covered in mustard. and they were out of drinks. so i didn't have lunch and so erica and i went directly to go see the astrobiology academy presentations. that was the highlight of my day. maybe of my week. they were actually really interesting. i think we were the only people there who weren't involved with the academy, but still. i heard about the search for comets and asteroids using the occultation method, the vision-action dissociation hypothesis, the landing site for the mission i'm working on (mars 2003) and then sandstorms on mars. maybe i'll go back and hear the final ones tomorrow.
my parents got garlic chocolate in italy. it's odd.
keskiviikko, heinäkuu 18
@#$%
stupid people. i have always seen brandon's point, and i sort of dismissed him as being too cynical, but still. i can't help but recall his advice. there are morons out there.
seriously, though. i'm beginning to think that i am way too bitchy. i can joke around and shit and add happy faces to everything, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm not sweet, and i'm obviously not very nice. but why can other people get pissed off but not me? because the world isn't fair, that's why. but why am i a superbitch? what is it that causes me to have this like aura of pms around me? i don't actually pms, even. i've never had any symptoms, other than my usual self of being evil all through the month. i'm not even pms'ing right now. at least i'd better not be, because that would be about two weeks early.
there are just some people who treat others like shit, though, and i know they will through their entire lives. no one seems to do anything about it, or their tries are in vain. it sucks, because nothing will ever change these people. i hate human nature. there are others who are just so fucking diplomatic that they can get anything in life. and they're slimy, too, but for some reason only a select few can see through it. or the people who are taken by this suaveness are the important ones. whatever.
politix
stupid people. i have always seen brandon's point, and i sort of dismissed him as being too cynical, but still. i can't help but recall his advice. there are morons out there.
seriously, though. i'm beginning to think that i am way too bitchy. i can joke around and shit and add happy faces to everything, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm not sweet, and i'm obviously not very nice. but why can other people get pissed off but not me? because the world isn't fair, that's why. but why am i a superbitch? what is it that causes me to have this like aura of pms around me? i don't actually pms, even. i've never had any symptoms, other than my usual self of being evil all through the month. i'm not even pms'ing right now. at least i'd better not be, because that would be about two weeks early.
there are just some people who treat others like shit, though, and i know they will through their entire lives. no one seems to do anything about it, or their tries are in vain. it sucks, because nothing will ever change these people. i hate human nature. there are others who are just so fucking diplomatic that they can get anything in life. and they're slimy, too, but for some reason only a select few can see through it. or the people who are taken by this suaveness are the important ones. whatever.
politix
PALINDROME
well, i finished cubes today. again. enough about that.
i've decided that i'd like a reunion of all the people who have been part of the d'ni rpg community who have affected me in some way or another. so i made a list. unfortunately this hypothetical reunion would be impossible, because everyone on the list is either lost in cyberspace or to the real world, or socially lost (in other words, someone still holds a grudge) or all of the above. i haven't seen some of them in years, others in a few days. but i miss them all the same. for whatever reason. it's not that i don't hold grudges, because obviously i do, but they're against different people. and obviously they're not on my list. but really, there's really only one person i consider my archnemesis, or whatever hyperbole one would use, and i see too much of him every day to miss him, even if i did not mind him.
here is the list:
Ahna
Brandon
C'ris
Daniel/Haji
Elli
Jerle
Matt/Dorahn
Mir'riel
Niymeh
Outsider
Per'egrinus
Rahv
Rich
Ro'ari
Robert
Serian
Tamarisk
Todd
Veovis/Sean
if you're on that list or know how i can contact someone who is, please feel free to tell me. unless you already have.
well, i finished cubes today. again. enough about that.
i've decided that i'd like a reunion of all the people who have been part of the d'ni rpg community who have affected me in some way or another. so i made a list. unfortunately this hypothetical reunion would be impossible, because everyone on the list is either lost in cyberspace or to the real world, or socially lost (in other words, someone still holds a grudge) or all of the above. i haven't seen some of them in years, others in a few days. but i miss them all the same. for whatever reason. it's not that i don't hold grudges, because obviously i do, but they're against different people. and obviously they're not on my list. but really, there's really only one person i consider my archnemesis, or whatever hyperbole one would use, and i see too much of him every day to miss him, even if i did not mind him.
here is the list:
Ahna
Brandon
C'ris
Daniel/Haji
Elli
Jerle
Matt/Dorahn
Mir'riel
Niymeh
Outsider
Per'egrinus
Rahv
Rich
Ro'ari
Robert
Serian
Tamarisk
Todd
Veovis/Sean
if you're on that list or know how i can contact someone who is, please feel free to tell me. unless you already have.
tiistai, heinäkuu 17
CURRENTNESS
surfing: some sort of radiohead online game
reading: k.c. cole, _a hole in the universe_
listening: kcsm
surfing: some sort of radiohead online game
reading: k.c. cole, _a hole in the universe_
listening: kcsm
VOYCE
q finally let me be a guide on writers of d'ni. i'm so happy. after years of waiting, something came. i guess i finally said the right thing. or maybe it's because i helped a bunch of people today while the other guides were being idle. anyway, i finally got a little g by my name, and i'm happy, not power-hungry. well, maybe that's not true, as do so very want to be a great lord. vote for me!
nothing today. i waited for the cubes, but the oven only went up to 400 degrees overnight, so they had to bake them today at a higher temperature. thus i say around staring at my navel. christine was sick today. even doing the cubes is better than nothing, so...
parents are arriving today. well, my mom's flight was delayed, so she's coming back around midnight, but my dad just called from the airport and will be home soon. i never thought i'd be so happy to see my parents. that reminds me, i should check the mail. and feed the cats. and do the dishes. and like everything else i keep forgetting.
last night and earlier today i voice chatted with various people from null. (eric, alex, dave, tobias, dan, justin, ian at some point or another) everyone thinks my voice makes me sound like 12 or less. but i look 30. why does my life suck? i have such ugly feet sometimes, too. no one's very talkative when vc'ing. we never know what to say, and we're self-conscious. either that or the client crashes on us all. usually the latter.
q finally let me be a guide on writers of d'ni. i'm so happy. after years of waiting, something came. i guess i finally said the right thing. or maybe it's because i helped a bunch of people today while the other guides were being idle. anyway, i finally got a little g by my name, and i'm happy, not power-hungry. well, maybe that's not true, as do so very want to be a great lord. vote for me!
nothing today. i waited for the cubes, but the oven only went up to 400 degrees overnight, so they had to bake them today at a higher temperature. thus i say around staring at my navel. christine was sick today. even doing the cubes is better than nothing, so...
parents are arriving today. well, my mom's flight was delayed, so she's coming back around midnight, but my dad just called from the airport and will be home soon. i never thought i'd be so happy to see my parents. that reminds me, i should check the mail. and feed the cats. and do the dishes. and like everything else i keep forgetting.
last night and earlier today i voice chatted with various people from null. (eric, alex, dave, tobias, dan, justin, ian at some point or another) everyone thinks my voice makes me sound like 12 or less. but i look 30. why does my life suck? i have such ugly feet sometimes, too. no one's very talkative when vc'ing. we never know what to say, and we're self-conscious. either that or the client crashes on us all. usually the latter.
sunnuntai, heinäkuu 15
ERER
went to work today. i might have well have stayed there last night, and slept in the first aid room or something. i do it often enough, when i'm too depressed to talk to visitors, i just go to sleep. but the room smells too much like antiseptic.
i woke up really tired this morning, and i had to take the bus to work, which wasn't really fun, because it was kind of cold and foggy. but something woke me up. maybe it was hunger. i was all out of special k, so i had to eat corn flakes, and i'm not terribly fond of those. fortunately at work there were a lot of leftovers which i picked at all day. leona had a whole pan of chow mein. i had some kid named chris follow me around all day. i actually did pretty well today. talked to a whole lot of people. controlled myself around stupid parents at the drawing board.
i didn't sleep very well last night. something in my neighborhood was really loud. it might have had to do something with the fact that 87-year-old mr. jiang from next door was up on his roof for some reason. i wasn't paying much attention to why he was up there.
well, my crazy aunt and uncle came over again and got sort of drunk. i got to hear about eileen's first car, some little british thing she drove without a license when she was like 14, and it died when some drunken school bus driver collided with it and it got smashed to smithereens. then i heard about how when my grandmother was prgenant with my mother, her husband was all, "what the hell am i going to do with a girl?" but then he became attached...and eventually he taught her to sail, drive cars on railroad tracks, and shoot things. meanwhile her mom wanted her to be a debutante. this explains why my mom is so crazy. and then i heard about when my mom first introduced my dad to her brother, before they got married. my dad announced that he planned never to make more than $6000 per year, something which evidently has come true. considering he hasn't made a cent for the past 20 years, and before that i don't think he made more than $6000 either. it's pretty funny. now i know where i come from.
i think the janitor at work is about to ask me out.
went to work today. i might have well have stayed there last night, and slept in the first aid room or something. i do it often enough, when i'm too depressed to talk to visitors, i just go to sleep. but the room smells too much like antiseptic.
i woke up really tired this morning, and i had to take the bus to work, which wasn't really fun, because it was kind of cold and foggy. but something woke me up. maybe it was hunger. i was all out of special k, so i had to eat corn flakes, and i'm not terribly fond of those. fortunately at work there were a lot of leftovers which i picked at all day. leona had a whole pan of chow mein. i had some kid named chris follow me around all day. i actually did pretty well today. talked to a whole lot of people. controlled myself around stupid parents at the drawing board.
i didn't sleep very well last night. something in my neighborhood was really loud. it might have had to do something with the fact that 87-year-old mr. jiang from next door was up on his roof for some reason. i wasn't paying much attention to why he was up there.
well, my crazy aunt and uncle came over again and got sort of drunk. i got to hear about eileen's first car, some little british thing she drove without a license when she was like 14, and it died when some drunken school bus driver collided with it and it got smashed to smithereens. then i heard about how when my grandmother was prgenant with my mother, her husband was all, "what the hell am i going to do with a girl?" but then he became attached...and eventually he taught her to sail, drive cars on railroad tracks, and shoot things. meanwhile her mom wanted her to be a debutante. this explains why my mom is so crazy. and then i heard about when my mom first introduced my dad to her brother, before they got married. my dad announced that he planned never to make more than $6000 per year, something which evidently has come true. considering he hasn't made a cent for the past 20 years, and before that i don't think he made more than $6000 either. it's pretty funny. now i know where i come from.
i think the janitor at work is about to ask me out.
lauantai, heinäkuu 14
SMK
ha, i love the parties we have at work. they're hilarious. because instead of being a bunch of people in a really small dark room with loud music, we spend the whole night with a bunch of people in the whole museum, which is really big. and we play like, capture the flag and stuff. it's so much more fun than sitting around and yelling to people you don't know. i'd much rather watch the exchange students play ping-pong, even though i got hit on the head with the ball like once every five minutes.
david s. is such an asshole. thank god i only have to see him once a week, but it does seem like a conspiracy that fernando just keeps hiring him back for the same days as me. why the heck doesn't he ever fire him for being, well, david? he spent the whole night insulting the foreign explainers in words that they probably didn't understand. i don't know any of their names, because i work on different days. the only one i know is..shit, i forget her name. i think it was noelle or something. anyway, she was nice.
later we went in the tactile dome. i've been in there about a million times, but i always forget how to get around. the best part isn't actually going in, but listening to other people on the intercom. jamal and herman were hilarious, because they kept running into each other, and going backwards and stuff, but then the people who went after them...i forget who it was. i think nilda and someone else, like sasha. they screamed the entire time. if i had taped it, i could have easily sold it to some movie maker for either porn or horror sound effects. i went through with katie, but then we got separated somewhere in the middle when i got tangled in something, and then i kept grabbing someone...i think it was shane. hella embarrassing, but then that's what the tactile dome is for. pitch black horrors. on my second time through, i was with...i forget who, but i ended up in the genie room with like five guys, and they wouldn't let me out, because none of us could find the exit. we were going to chill there for a while but cat kept yelling at us over the intercom, and the air conditioning didn't get to the top of the dome anyway, so i got pushed down the slide first...everyone landed on top of me in the bean pile, and then we had a bean fight. i came out with beans in all my pockets and down my pants and in my hair. not fun.
when i left mer's house earlier today, i sort of didn't feel like getting dressed...just threw on a sweater over my pajamas. but then i ended up staying in them when i went grocery shopping earlier. not that andronico's is very far away, and it's kinda near ucsf, so i could pretend to be a lazy med student, or like a guinea pig for some psych experiment. actually, i sort of forgot i was wearing them until i was halfway there. but people can have plaid pants, right? i looked like a homeless punk. fine enough. the fruit salad i made was really good, though. everyone ate it up in like five mibutes and really liked my juice substitute. ;) (we ran out of oj, so i used fruit soda instead. better than diet coke at least.) the pot (of salad) was heavy on the way there on the bus, but i got a ride back from katie, who i never really got to know. she lives in union city, but is in the city for the summer for whatever reason. her dad (who was driving) is like the classic hippie. he was actually wearing a tie-dye shirt and stuff when i got in his car. and he plays guitar in a cafe. it was so cliché i almost cracked up, but they're nice people. so i didn't. (not quite as druggedout as geena's dad, though. geena went to her dad to ask him where to get pot, and he showed her his stash in the medicine cabinet. gave her the most potent stuff and showed her exactly how to smoke it. see, that is funny.) pot is gross, though. i think it smells bad, and i hate smoking. but to each his own.
ha, i love the parties we have at work. they're hilarious. because instead of being a bunch of people in a really small dark room with loud music, we spend the whole night with a bunch of people in the whole museum, which is really big. and we play like, capture the flag and stuff. it's so much more fun than sitting around and yelling to people you don't know. i'd much rather watch the exchange students play ping-pong, even though i got hit on the head with the ball like once every five minutes.
david s. is such an asshole. thank god i only have to see him once a week, but it does seem like a conspiracy that fernando just keeps hiring him back for the same days as me. why the heck doesn't he ever fire him for being, well, david? he spent the whole night insulting the foreign explainers in words that they probably didn't understand. i don't know any of their names, because i work on different days. the only one i know is..shit, i forget her name. i think it was noelle or something. anyway, she was nice.
later we went in the tactile dome. i've been in there about a million times, but i always forget how to get around. the best part isn't actually going in, but listening to other people on the intercom. jamal and herman were hilarious, because they kept running into each other, and going backwards and stuff, but then the people who went after them...i forget who it was. i think nilda and someone else, like sasha. they screamed the entire time. if i had taped it, i could have easily sold it to some movie maker for either porn or horror sound effects. i went through with katie, but then we got separated somewhere in the middle when i got tangled in something, and then i kept grabbing someone...i think it was shane. hella embarrassing, but then that's what the tactile dome is for. pitch black horrors. on my second time through, i was with...i forget who, but i ended up in the genie room with like five guys, and they wouldn't let me out, because none of us could find the exit. we were going to chill there for a while but cat kept yelling at us over the intercom, and the air conditioning didn't get to the top of the dome anyway, so i got pushed down the slide first...everyone landed on top of me in the bean pile, and then we had a bean fight. i came out with beans in all my pockets and down my pants and in my hair. not fun.
when i left mer's house earlier today, i sort of didn't feel like getting dressed...just threw on a sweater over my pajamas. but then i ended up staying in them when i went grocery shopping earlier. not that andronico's is very far away, and it's kinda near ucsf, so i could pretend to be a lazy med student, or like a guinea pig for some psych experiment. actually, i sort of forgot i was wearing them until i was halfway there. but people can have plaid pants, right? i looked like a homeless punk. fine enough. the fruit salad i made was really good, though. everyone ate it up in like five mibutes and really liked my juice substitute. ;) (we ran out of oj, so i used fruit soda instead. better than diet coke at least.) the pot (of salad) was heavy on the way there on the bus, but i got a ride back from katie, who i never really got to know. she lives in union city, but is in the city for the summer for whatever reason. her dad (who was driving) is like the classic hippie. he was actually wearing a tie-dye shirt and stuff when i got in his car. and he plays guitar in a cafe. it was so cliché i almost cracked up, but they're nice people. so i didn't. (not quite as druggedout as geena's dad, though. geena went to her dad to ask him where to get pot, and he showed her his stash in the medicine cabinet. gave her the most potent stuff and showed her exactly how to smoke it. see, that is funny.) pot is gross, though. i think it smells bad, and i hate smoking. but to each his own.
AT LAST
went over to meredith's house last night. it was a relief, to actually be around people i knew, rather than a bunch of strangers. really, i don't talk to that many people at work, and then i go home and don't talk to anyone at all for a while until the next day. anyway, we just sort of say around and chatted for like six hours with andrea and sarah. everyone else showed me their pictures from various vacations. i finally got to see meredith and andrea's ski trip pictures, and then mer's swim meet pix. i'm so proud of her for having gotten third nationally. that is extremely cool. i could never get third nationally for anything, let alone synchronized swimming. i also saw sarah's pix from her trip to vancouver, which aren't like normal vacation photos. every single one she showed me, she squealed and asked me if i recognized it. i haven't been to vancouver since i was five, but i did recognize many of them - as places in washington dc, or somewhere where a weird event happened. on x-files. she gave herself an x-phile's tour of vancouver, basically, and ended up meeting this woman whose house was in the pilot, and going over for breakfast. or something like that. her favorite, of course, was the picture of the outside of some public sports center. she was talking so fast for this part that i barely understood it, but i heard the word 'swimming pool' and then had to pretend like it excited me so much that yes, this was the place with david duchovny and the speedo in...uh..shit. it wasn't one breath. duane barry. and then she also had a shot from the ski lodge in ascension. and a couple pictires of the warehouse complex in paper clip, one of which she gave me. i also had to look at pictures of me from the baby shower. gah, i hate looking at myself. i'm fugly™.
at like 3 am we decided to watch american history x, which was sort of disturbing at that time in the morning, and i couldn't sleep afterwards, but a really good movie nonetheless. except i predicted the ending. i've gotten really good at it. i hate that. then we argued over whether or not to leave lights on while we slept. i sleep in pitch black all the time, but everyone else likes, well, a lot of light. we finally decided to leave the tv on a blue screen (of death) whcih i explained to them would increase melatonin levels and make them go to sleep faster than a regular light, whcih would be brighter. it worked, i suppose.
i have to go out to a party at the expl. right now. but first i have to go take a shower, go grocery shopping, and make a fruit salad. so. ttfn.
i fixed the archive. yay!
went over to meredith's house last night. it was a relief, to actually be around people i knew, rather than a bunch of strangers. really, i don't talk to that many people at work, and then i go home and don't talk to anyone at all for a while until the next day. anyway, we just sort of say around and chatted for like six hours with andrea and sarah. everyone else showed me their pictures from various vacations. i finally got to see meredith and andrea's ski trip pictures, and then mer's swim meet pix. i'm so proud of her for having gotten third nationally. that is extremely cool. i could never get third nationally for anything, let alone synchronized swimming. i also saw sarah's pix from her trip to vancouver, which aren't like normal vacation photos. every single one she showed me, she squealed and asked me if i recognized it. i haven't been to vancouver since i was five, but i did recognize many of them - as places in washington dc, or somewhere where a weird event happened. on x-files. she gave herself an x-phile's tour of vancouver, basically, and ended up meeting this woman whose house was in the pilot, and going over for breakfast. or something like that. her favorite, of course, was the picture of the outside of some public sports center. she was talking so fast for this part that i barely understood it, but i heard the word 'swimming pool' and then had to pretend like it excited me so much that yes, this was the place with david duchovny and the speedo in...uh..shit. it wasn't one breath. duane barry. and then she also had a shot from the ski lodge in ascension. and a couple pictires of the warehouse complex in paper clip, one of which she gave me. i also had to look at pictures of me from the baby shower. gah, i hate looking at myself. i'm fugly™.
at like 3 am we decided to watch american history x, which was sort of disturbing at that time in the morning, and i couldn't sleep afterwards, but a really good movie nonetheless. except i predicted the ending. i've gotten really good at it. i hate that. then we argued over whether or not to leave lights on while we slept. i sleep in pitch black all the time, but everyone else likes, well, a lot of light. we finally decided to leave the tv on a blue screen (of death) whcih i explained to them would increase melatonin levels and make them go to sleep faster than a regular light, whcih would be brighter. it worked, i suppose.
i have to go out to a party at the expl. right now. but first i have to go take a shower, go grocery shopping, and make a fruit salad. so. ttfn.
i fixed the archive. yay!
perjantai, heinäkuu 13
NESS
currently at work and bored to death. like, i'm actually wanting for the machine shop to finish cutting the cubes so i can go measure them. it's pathetic. christine's at an all-day meeting with some bigwigs from some company who want to buy a bunch of billets, and i'm thinking god, please, don't make me do q.a. for all of those. or i will go postal. not postal, that's the wrong word. engineerical. that sounds funny, but i don't really care. it's what i'm about to go right now.
also, instead of hearing npr in my left ear like i was three years ago, i've started to think with a british accent. it's like the weakest link lady is narrating my conscience. and she keeps making it sound really saracastic. you should hear her say 'pathetic'.
*screams*
currently at work and bored to death. like, i'm actually wanting for the machine shop to finish cutting the cubes so i can go measure them. it's pathetic. christine's at an all-day meeting with some bigwigs from some company who want to buy a bunch of billets, and i'm thinking god, please, don't make me do q.a. for all of those. or i will go postal. not postal, that's the wrong word. engineerical. that sounds funny, but i don't really care. it's what i'm about to go right now.
also, instead of hearing npr in my left ear like i was three years ago, i've started to think with a british accent. it's like the weakest link lady is narrating my conscience. and she keeps making it sound really saracastic. you should hear her say 'pathetic'.
*screams*
torstai, heinäkuu 12
FICKSHUN
i don't write fiction. i really don't. i honestly haven't written more than a page of fiction since i was in eighth grade, because that had disastrous consequences. i suppose i might as well post that, because i really liked what i wrote. i'll find it.
anyway, i feel creative and i came up with this idea that actually worked, so i'm going to write some sort of serial. and it'll have real capitalization and everything. i only write like this when i need stream-of-consciousness and no distractions. so.
i don't write fiction. i really don't. i honestly haven't written more than a page of fiction since i was in eighth grade, because that had disastrous consequences. i suppose i might as well post that, because i really liked what i wrote. i'll find it.
anyway, i feel creative and i came up with this idea that actually worked, so i'm going to write some sort of serial. and it'll have real capitalization and everything. i only write like this when i need stream-of-consciousness and no distractions. so.
DEPENDENCE
i came up with some really good ideas for software this week. one is a spreadsheet that will work in n dimensions, rather than just 2. it wouldn't be a sheet then, but a spread-continuum. a user would still be able to look at different slices of it, like specify the usual x and y, or w and x, or even q and z.
what i need is to be transplanted into the sims. i need someone to tell me what to do around the house.
i came up with some really good ideas for software this week. one is a spreadsheet that will work in n dimensions, rather than just 2. it wouldn't be a sheet then, but a spread-continuum. a user would still be able to look at different slices of it, like specify the usual x and y, or w and x, or even q and z.
what i need is to be transplanted into the sims. i need someone to tell me what to do around the house.
CURRENTNESS
reading: connie willis, _to say nothing of the dog_
listening: josh joplin group, _useful music_
surfing: scholastic website. looking for old kids' series i used to read. :)
doing: writing my text-based virtual san francisco on null.
i'm gonna copy alex in his idea of copying livejournal mood thingie
mood: hungry
reading: connie willis, _to say nothing of the dog_
listening: josh joplin group, _useful music_
surfing: scholastic website. looking for old kids' series i used to read. :)
doing: writing my text-based virtual san francisco on null.
i'm gonna copy alex in his idea of copying livejournal mood thingie
mood: hungry
NUTHIN
if you are having trouble with the archive, i have already taken note of that. it doesn't like me, and i've asked how to fix it. a solution should be coming soon.
i didn't go to work today, which was nice, but i have to go back tomorrow. i skipped having to go on some tour of the computer lab. i've seen supercomputers before, and they're not all that special to look at. but instead i had to go get a physical so i can go to camp. that was, well, the usual, except i didn't really have to do all that much before the doctor (who i guess is my usual now) determined that i was fine. (she just weighed me, measured me, and checked my breathing. all of which were fine.) i grew half an inch! but i'm still two inches shorter than karin. bah.
then i had to go to berkeley to pick up some stuff. i haven't really ridden bart for about a year, and it's so much more pleasant than caltrain. smoother, and the seats are more comfortable. imho. it doesn't vibrate so damn much. berkeley was, well, very much the same as it was when i went there a few weeks ago. just walked around looking for a building, and it turned out to be like a block away from the station, but in my little adventure through the campus, i saw a couple people i knew, like gregory krimer (who graduated two years ago, i think) and keenan. but i'm not allowed to speak to him, so we ignored each other. (i had also seen devin like a week ago, and we also ignored each other. i wish that diane and kevin would just stop their silly little feud so i could speak to them again. it woudl make me so much happier. it's all a but stupid, actually. but i'm sure kevin would hunt me down and kill me if he found out that i was speaking with any of his minions.)
if you are having trouble with the archive, i have already taken note of that. it doesn't like me, and i've asked how to fix it. a solution should be coming soon.
i didn't go to work today, which was nice, but i have to go back tomorrow. i skipped having to go on some tour of the computer lab. i've seen supercomputers before, and they're not all that special to look at. but instead i had to go get a physical so i can go to camp. that was, well, the usual, except i didn't really have to do all that much before the doctor (who i guess is my usual now) determined that i was fine. (she just weighed me, measured me, and checked my breathing. all of which were fine.) i grew half an inch! but i'm still two inches shorter than karin. bah.
then i had to go to berkeley to pick up some stuff. i haven't really ridden bart for about a year, and it's so much more pleasant than caltrain. smoother, and the seats are more comfortable. imho. it doesn't vibrate so damn much. berkeley was, well, very much the same as it was when i went there a few weeks ago. just walked around looking for a building, and it turned out to be like a block away from the station, but in my little adventure through the campus, i saw a couple people i knew, like gregory krimer (who graduated two years ago, i think) and keenan. but i'm not allowed to speak to him, so we ignored each other. (i had also seen devin like a week ago, and we also ignored each other. i wish that diane and kevin would just stop their silly little feud so i could speak to them again. it woudl make me so much happier. it's all a but stupid, actually. but i'm sure kevin would hunt me down and kill me if he found out that i was speaking with any of his minions.)
keskiviikko, heinäkuu 11
MIÑON UPDATE
feet: chuck*, david s., bodo, ed, tobert, jen, ashley, hortense, baron, 92-pound toe
armpit: tsg
knees: bobby, hudson
buses: 8008, 8023, 8120, 2346, 1789
*i feel bad that he's still a minion, because he's actually not that bad. so if you want to give me a name, i can rename him to something else.
my dimenshuns: bob, jesus, karma, elvis, miniscule, my ass, and shni. just ecause meredith didn't like a, b, c, d, e, f, and g as names for the extra seven dimensions.
feet: chuck*, david s., bodo, ed, tobert, jen, ashley, hortense, baron, 92-pound toe
armpit: tsg
knees: bobby, hudson
buses: 8008, 8023, 8120, 2346, 1789
*i feel bad that he's still a minion, because he's actually not that bad. so if you want to give me a name, i can rename him to something else.
my dimenshuns: bob, jesus, karma, elvis, miniscule, my ass, and shni. just ecause meredith didn't like a, b, c, d, e, f, and g as names for the extra seven dimensions.
BRAINWAX: suburbia
now, i don't live in the suburbs, but i have indeed had close encounters of the suburban kind. to tell the truth, they were boring. but what else can you expect out of someone who's lived in the city her whole life?
in my united states history class, we learned about america's flight out of the cities, especially in the 1950s. i saw little rows of houses, in giant subdivisions being developed with the same house, one after the other, and in mirror images if they were lucky. i remember when i was younger, like 6 or 7, i thought that lives like those from 50s tv shows were as imaginary as castles and pirates (neither of which are imaginary, but i never knew that until i was like, 14.) so i was amazed to go and visit some relatives in florida and see that yes, rows of houses that all look the same are real.
i have issues with large malls. why do you need one with 400 stores? they get so big that you have to repeat stores. so then you have a mcdonald's at each end, and one in the middle. a gap or two or three. someone please explain that to me. i mean, we have malls here in san francisco, but they're relatively tame compared to those wild suburban ones. there's just not enough room for a mall a mile long here. that would be 14% of the city's width.
but above all, it's the blandness that really turns me off. have you ever been to irvine, ca? a classic example, and it's all planned. they got really happy with the themed street names. of course, you can't tell which community is which except by noticing that in one, all the streets are trees, and in another they're all bushes, and in the next they're flowers. how botanical of them.
suburbs pollute, too. why? because they're so damn peaceful that they have to be a certain distance from a city, so everyone drives. and they pollute politics. i never realized that so many people out there are republicans.
(update will follow after my friends and i take our field trip to the suburbs. danville is being targeted as our area of choice.)
now, i don't live in the suburbs, but i have indeed had close encounters of the suburban kind. to tell the truth, they were boring. but what else can you expect out of someone who's lived in the city her whole life?
in my united states history class, we learned about america's flight out of the cities, especially in the 1950s. i saw little rows of houses, in giant subdivisions being developed with the same house, one after the other, and in mirror images if they were lucky. i remember when i was younger, like 6 or 7, i thought that lives like those from 50s tv shows were as imaginary as castles and pirates (neither of which are imaginary, but i never knew that until i was like, 14.) so i was amazed to go and visit some relatives in florida and see that yes, rows of houses that all look the same are real.
i have issues with large malls. why do you need one with 400 stores? they get so big that you have to repeat stores. so then you have a mcdonald's at each end, and one in the middle. a gap or two or three. someone please explain that to me. i mean, we have malls here in san francisco, but they're relatively tame compared to those wild suburban ones. there's just not enough room for a mall a mile long here. that would be 14% of the city's width.
but above all, it's the blandness that really turns me off. have you ever been to irvine, ca? a classic example, and it's all planned. they got really happy with the themed street names. of course, you can't tell which community is which except by noticing that in one, all the streets are trees, and in another they're all bushes, and in the next they're flowers. how botanical of them.
suburbs pollute, too. why? because they're so damn peaceful that they have to be a certain distance from a city, so everyone drives. and they pollute politics. i never realized that so many people out there are republicans.
(update will follow after my friends and i take our field trip to the suburbs. danville is being targeted as our area of choice.)
AND THEN...
i have learned where to sit on the train such that it doesn't vibrate extremely. isn't that special of me? i'll share my secret. don't sit near the place where the cars are connected together. sit near the door in the middle of the car. yeah, it's called physics, i think. anyway, the train i took today was old and slow, slow enough that i missed my shuttle at the other end by about two minutes. then, of course, i had to wait around for an hour for another one to come. the lesson i learned is...uh...trains suck when they aren't on time.
still nothing to do here. the infernal cubes haven't yet been cut yet, so i have no busy work, even.
i believe my aunt and uncle are coming over tonight, and maybe they'll show me how to make the dishwasher actully work. because it's not functioning right now, or at least it wasn't last night.
note to self: go shopping, and don't buy this same type of bread. it's gross and dry and it tastes like cucumbers.
i have learned where to sit on the train such that it doesn't vibrate extremely. isn't that special of me? i'll share my secret. don't sit near the place where the cars are connected together. sit near the door in the middle of the car. yeah, it's called physics, i think. anyway, the train i took today was old and slow, slow enough that i missed my shuttle at the other end by about two minutes. then, of course, i had to wait around for an hour for another one to come. the lesson i learned is...uh...trains suck when they aren't on time.
still nothing to do here. the infernal cubes haven't yet been cut yet, so i have no busy work, even.
i believe my aunt and uncle are coming over tonight, and maybe they'll show me how to make the dishwasher actully work. because it's not functioning right now, or at least it wasn't last night.
note to self: go shopping, and don't buy this same type of bread. it's gross and dry and it tastes like cucumbers.
tiistai, heinäkuu 10
CLOSE SHAVES OF THE DANGEROUS KIND
i really must learn to cook. left the oven on for four hours after reheating pizza. i could have burned the house down.
i really must learn to cook. left the oven on for four hours after reheating pizza. i could have burned the house down.
THE PROMISE
here is my concert review, two weeks late. oh well.
radiohead, june 27 at shoreline amphitheater in mountain view (aka hell), california
i would rate it a perfect ten as far as music goes, but the whole environment could have been better. i was in the middle of a few thousand dot-commers, both laid-off and still employed. normally i can stand it, but in this event i could smell the...internet. the internet was in the air. so was a lot of smoke, even though it said no smoking on the lawn. just before they started, karin (naive as she is) turned to me and asked "what's that smell?" gee, karin, in the real world, outside of your protected little private school, people smoke pot. but i suppose i can forgive her for being innocent. and furthermore, since it was sponsored by mgd, the whole arena was a beer garden, as opposed to a confined area. the smell of beer makes me naseous, and people kept stepping over us with their beer and spilling it on us. but enough of the negativity.
beta band opened. i had never heard any of their stuff before, but people kept telling me i'd like them. i did, but i wasn't really focused on their set. i was paying more attention to the fact that becca and karin were still out trying to sell the extra ticket, and that if they didn't show up soon, they'd miss stuff. anyway, it turned out that they had sold the ticket for a measly $5 (out of $46.50 i paid for it, including ticketmaster surcharges) and then had realized that karin left her wallet with their wickets in it in the mag with the blankets, which i had taken in when i went to lay out the blanket. which was a really intelligent move, but i think it was actually my fault, because earlier when karin asked me to carry her wallet around while we looked for food, i told her to leave it in the car and bring the five bucks she had for food. anyway, they would have called me on my phone, but being the smart cookies they were, they didn;t have change for a pay phone, and the only person outside the gates with a cell didn't have roaming or something, and was from san diego. eventually two people who had tried to scalp their tickets to becca and karin earlier ended up giving them two tickets. which was nice. that wouldn't have happened, at say, the upcoming madonna show, or backstreet boys, or ozzfest, or some other large event.
so the show was great. even though becca made weird comments throughout about corruption. like during "you and whose army", she told me how the indonesian government was like the song, and how businessmen rated it the most corrupt government in the world, and how they use rainforest wood taken from their national parks to make deck chairs sold at safeway. and such. i told her to shut up and listen to the music. she was also being her usual hypochondriac self and using earplugs even though we were really really far away, and breathing through her shirt when people like 100 feet away would start smoking.
even though i could only see the band if i stood on a lump in the dirt, and then they were only little colored dots, i could see them well enough on the video display screen. they were just like i had always seen them on tv and in videos and such.
here's a playlist from greenplastic:
1. The National Anthem
2. Morning Bell
3. Lucky
4. Airbag
5. In Limbo
6. Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box
7. You and Whose Army
8. No Surprises
9. Dollars and Cents
10. Knives Out
11. Permanent Daylight
12. Karma Police
13. Pyramid Song
14. Paranoid Android
15. Idioteque
16. Everything In Its Right Place
Encore
17. I Might Be Wrong
18. Fake Plastic Trees
19. The Theif (Can cover)
20. How To Disappear Completely
2nd Encore
21. Talk Show Host
22. The Bends
3rd Encore
23. Motion Picture Soundtrack
i really liked that they played permanent daylight! i was so looking forward to it, and i think i was one of only a few people who knew the words. (there aren't many) becca liked talk show host best; it was the only one she screamed for. karin liked paranoid android, of course. i screamed for everything, but probably most for you and whose army, no surprises, lucky, how to disappear, pyramid song, the bends, and motion picture soundtrack. i wanted them to play life in a glass house, and i shouted that out, to no avail. it hasn't been part of their setlist for this tour. also, i expected them to play street spirit, and as a surprise they didn't.
the crowd on the way out was a pain, and becca and karin had to run back to get the umbrellas they had left with the security guard earlier. but it was fun. :) :) :)
here is my concert review, two weeks late. oh well.
radiohead, june 27 at shoreline amphitheater in mountain view (aka hell), california
i would rate it a perfect ten as far as music goes, but the whole environment could have been better. i was in the middle of a few thousand dot-commers, both laid-off and still employed. normally i can stand it, but in this event i could smell the...internet. the internet was in the air. so was a lot of smoke, even though it said no smoking on the lawn. just before they started, karin (naive as she is) turned to me and asked "what's that smell?" gee, karin, in the real world, outside of your protected little private school, people smoke pot. but i suppose i can forgive her for being innocent. and furthermore, since it was sponsored by mgd, the whole arena was a beer garden, as opposed to a confined area. the smell of beer makes me naseous, and people kept stepping over us with their beer and spilling it on us. but enough of the negativity.
beta band opened. i had never heard any of their stuff before, but people kept telling me i'd like them. i did, but i wasn't really focused on their set. i was paying more attention to the fact that becca and karin were still out trying to sell the extra ticket, and that if they didn't show up soon, they'd miss stuff. anyway, it turned out that they had sold the ticket for a measly $5 (out of $46.50 i paid for it, including ticketmaster surcharges) and then had realized that karin left her wallet with their wickets in it in the mag with the blankets, which i had taken in when i went to lay out the blanket. which was a really intelligent move, but i think it was actually my fault, because earlier when karin asked me to carry her wallet around while we looked for food, i told her to leave it in the car and bring the five bucks she had for food. anyway, they would have called me on my phone, but being the smart cookies they were, they didn;t have change for a pay phone, and the only person outside the gates with a cell didn't have roaming or something, and was from san diego. eventually two people who had tried to scalp their tickets to becca and karin earlier ended up giving them two tickets. which was nice. that wouldn't have happened, at say, the upcoming madonna show, or backstreet boys, or ozzfest, or some other large event.
so the show was great. even though becca made weird comments throughout about corruption. like during "you and whose army", she told me how the indonesian government was like the song, and how businessmen rated it the most corrupt government in the world, and how they use rainforest wood taken from their national parks to make deck chairs sold at safeway. and such. i told her to shut up and listen to the music. she was also being her usual hypochondriac self and using earplugs even though we were really really far away, and breathing through her shirt when people like 100 feet away would start smoking.
even though i could only see the band if i stood on a lump in the dirt, and then they were only little colored dots, i could see them well enough on the video display screen. they were just like i had always seen them on tv and in videos and such.
here's a playlist from greenplastic:
1. The National Anthem
2. Morning Bell
3. Lucky
4. Airbag
5. In Limbo
6. Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box
7. You and Whose Army
8. No Surprises
9. Dollars and Cents
10. Knives Out
11. Permanent Daylight
12. Karma Police
13. Pyramid Song
14. Paranoid Android
15. Idioteque
16. Everything In Its Right Place
Encore
17. I Might Be Wrong
18. Fake Plastic Trees
19. The Theif (Can cover)
20. How To Disappear Completely
2nd Encore
21. Talk Show Host
22. The Bends
3rd Encore
23. Motion Picture Soundtrack
i really liked that they played permanent daylight! i was so looking forward to it, and i think i was one of only a few people who knew the words. (there aren't many) becca liked talk show host best; it was the only one she screamed for. karin liked paranoid android, of course. i screamed for everything, but probably most for you and whose army, no surprises, lucky, how to disappear, pyramid song, the bends, and motion picture soundtrack. i wanted them to play life in a glass house, and i shouted that out, to no avail. it hasn't been part of their setlist for this tour. also, i expected them to play street spirit, and as a surprise they didn't.
the crowd on the way out was a pain, and becca and karin had to run back to get the umbrellas they had left with the security guard earlier. but it was fun. :) :) :)
CURRENTNESS
reading: _the elegant universe_, brian greene_
listening: bush, _the science of things_
surfing: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest results 2001. hilarity.
reading: _the elegant universe_, brian greene_
listening: bush, _the science of things_
surfing: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest results 2001. hilarity.
BRAINWAX: why life is like a sci-fi movie
or at least it looks like a set of one. maybe not the whole thing, but it bears an overwhelming resemblance to the background of a post-apocalyptic scene of despair and poverty, yet technology still prevails. maybe it's just because i live in silicon valley. anyway, look at an industrial area about an hour after sunrise, on an overcast day. the sky is yellow. there's a large grey suspension bridge in the foreground, complete with layers of grafitti, and in the background, cranes on a harbor. the water is bright with reflected light, but cannot be described as blue, more green, or yellow-white. sunlight breaks through the clouds and the high number of suspended dust particles in the air makes it into a beam of light, like a finger from heaven. biblical, almost. not that i'm religious, but 13 years of religious images will do that to ya.
or at least it looks like a set of one. maybe not the whole thing, but it bears an overwhelming resemblance to the background of a post-apocalyptic scene of despair and poverty, yet technology still prevails. maybe it's just because i live in silicon valley. anyway, look at an industrial area about an hour after sunrise, on an overcast day. the sky is yellow. there's a large grey suspension bridge in the foreground, complete with layers of grafitti, and in the background, cranes on a harbor. the water is bright with reflected light, but cannot be described as blue, more green, or yellow-white. sunlight breaks through the clouds and the high number of suspended dust particles in the air makes it into a beam of light, like a finger from heaven. biblical, almost. not that i'm religious, but 13 years of religious images will do that to ya.
CREATIVITY
well, i made it through another day. this one was full of surprises and people calling me on the phone at work. at work i did absolutely nothing at all. literally. all day. i had finished writing up the specs report yesterday, and the new set of cubes (the torture never ends, does it?) is being cut tonight. this time there's more. well, it's something to do, but i wish it were something other than measuring little cubes of white stuff because no one else who gets paid more wants to do such dull work. but enough about my soul-sucking, devil's work, uninteresting, lame, pathetic, entry-level job for now.
managed to avoid weird people today. actually, come to think of it, i've managed to avoid people for the entire day. i'll have to try that again. i think the only people i spoke to in person were mike and christine, and that's only because they were asking me questions.
meredith called me at work, from andrea's house...andrea had received her ap scores in the mail, and evidently she was happy with them. but since we always get our mail on the same day, that meant i was going to get mine also. and for once, no parents to read my stupid scores to me, or make me guess my grades, or whatever. i had a pleasant surprise: two points higher in spanish than i had been expecting, and the bio grade i expected, too, and hoped for. so i passed both exams. i can do this college admissions thing, i really can.
well, i made it through another day. this one was full of surprises and people calling me on the phone at work. at work i did absolutely nothing at all. literally. all day. i had finished writing up the specs report yesterday, and the new set of cubes (the torture never ends, does it?) is being cut tonight. this time there's more. well, it's something to do, but i wish it were something other than measuring little cubes of white stuff because no one else who gets paid more wants to do such dull work. but enough about my soul-sucking, devil's work, uninteresting, lame, pathetic, entry-level job for now.
managed to avoid weird people today. actually, come to think of it, i've managed to avoid people for the entire day. i'll have to try that again. i think the only people i spoke to in person were mike and christine, and that's only because they were asking me questions.
meredith called me at work, from andrea's house...andrea had received her ap scores in the mail, and evidently she was happy with them. but since we always get our mail on the same day, that meant i was going to get mine also. and for once, no parents to read my stupid scores to me, or make me guess my grades, or whatever. i had a pleasant surprise: two points higher in spanish than i had been expecting, and the bio grade i expected, too, and hoped for. so i passed both exams. i can do this college admissions thing, i really can.
maanantai, heinäkuu 9
the easiest way to sleep at night
for me, recently, has been true to the lyrics of permanent daylight: carry on believing i don't exist. i'm just a figment of my own imagination, and of the observer's imagination as well. i'm a coincidence, a conglomeration of 1-dimensional strings that vibrate well enough to make 'atoms' which then make 'molecules' and 'cells' and 'flesh' and 'me'.
if i were to float out in space, away from any light, which i know is impossible. but say i were to float without moving at all, couldn't i travel in time? couldn't time be whatever i wanted it to be?
fer realz.
for me, recently, has been true to the lyrics of permanent daylight: carry on believing i don't exist. i'm just a figment of my own imagination, and of the observer's imagination as well. i'm a coincidence, a conglomeration of 1-dimensional strings that vibrate well enough to make 'atoms' which then make 'molecules' and 'cells' and 'flesh' and 'me'.
if i were to float out in space, away from any light, which i know is impossible. but say i were to float without moving at all, couldn't i travel in time? couldn't time be whatever i wanted it to be?
fer realz.
PARTIKLE
so anyway. i got on the train this morning and some silicon valley commuter dropped his/her cup of coffee from the top row of seats and it landed and went splat...right next to me. no one claimed to have done it, but in order to avoid doing anything, i got up and moved seats. i should have done that later on my ride back, when some dude started asking me out when the muni was taking forever. he was like 25. just to see if i'm still good at bluffing, i told him i was 18, and i was a college student, which is half true. and he was like singing and stuff. happy guy. but a little hyper. and creepy. so i basically told him some half-truths that wouldn't allow him to come into contact with me again. at least he didn't follow me home.
my brain hurt all day today due to the heavy-duty string theory stuff i was reading. anyway, i also realized that i had just thought up special relativity on my own about a week ago, but having never read it, i didn't recognize it. so maybe someday i'll have a cooler epiphany and just like einstein, i can be the lowly person working a dumb job who thought up a revolutionary theory. that would be cool. that's my fantasy of the day™.
today everyone's gone. i'm scared, actually. because normally i can go home and be safe from weird people on the bus and strangers and stuff, but now i'm all alone. i actually had a panic attack last night in bed. i almost passed out, which prolly would have been better, because after that i couldn't sleep. it's the first time that's happened to me in a few months. shook me up.
today at work...more excel and kaleidagraph obscurities, data entry. the usual. plus a branch a picnic. our division almost got second place in the games, but we lost the tie-breaker. well, we won the part that i was in, whcih was the slingshot. i never knew i could shoot stuff. maybe i should have been a guy.
last night i kept flirting with random people. i was bored. i have to find a better pasttime.
so anyway. i got on the train this morning and some silicon valley commuter dropped his/her cup of coffee from the top row of seats and it landed and went splat...right next to me. no one claimed to have done it, but in order to avoid doing anything, i got up and moved seats. i should have done that later on my ride back, when some dude started asking me out when the muni was taking forever. he was like 25. just to see if i'm still good at bluffing, i told him i was 18, and i was a college student, which is half true. and he was like singing and stuff. happy guy. but a little hyper. and creepy. so i basically told him some half-truths that wouldn't allow him to come into contact with me again. at least he didn't follow me home.
my brain hurt all day today due to the heavy-duty string theory stuff i was reading. anyway, i also realized that i had just thought up special relativity on my own about a week ago, but having never read it, i didn't recognize it. so maybe someday i'll have a cooler epiphany and just like einstein, i can be the lowly person working a dumb job who thought up a revolutionary theory. that would be cool. that's my fantasy of the day™.
today everyone's gone. i'm scared, actually. because normally i can go home and be safe from weird people on the bus and strangers and stuff, but now i'm all alone. i actually had a panic attack last night in bed. i almost passed out, which prolly would have been better, because after that i couldn't sleep. it's the first time that's happened to me in a few months. shook me up.
today at work...more excel and kaleidagraph obscurities, data entry. the usual. plus a branch a picnic. our division almost got second place in the games, but we lost the tie-breaker. well, we won the part that i was in, whcih was the slingshot. i never knew i could shoot stuff. maybe i should have been a guy.
last night i kept flirting with random people. i was bored. i have to find a better pasttime.
sunnuntai, heinäkuu 8
DAY
hah. well, back to work. the one job i actually enjoy. i was stuck at the audio desk for a while because everyone seemed to have evaporated and left no trace of themselves. i think they were having a training or something. of course, this was after both violeta and winnie had promised to relieve me. but it was fine, because i was fascinated by my book at the time. and the janitors seem to be particularly friendly now. one of them, a new guy named aaron, seemed to have found my nametag (the only one with my name spelled correctly) which i had dropped somewhere, so that was good.
anyway, the thing that bothers me is that now that jamal doesn't work on sundays, there's no one to do the schedule calmly. so i took the opportunity to make a weekend schedule. usually i only do it on wednesdays. anyway, i learned that jamal really is a patient guy. there are just way too many people. plus, alice wouldn't let me type, and it's bad to keep me away from the keyboard for too long. she also wouldn't let me sit down. so then there were all these people that kept walking in and asking to be put on our precariously balanced schedule, which was a hellish experience to make, and i started being a bitch to people who pissed me off anyway, like david o. and david s....too many davids. so then i was in a bad mood for a few hours, mostly because i hated the tasks i had given myself. but then it lifted later in the day during our meeting...dar made us do a sort of roleplaying in which one person a visitor, one person an explainer, and two people to play those two's consciences. i got to be jay's conscience. :) which was fun.
i need good food that isn't junky. and thus i have to go grocery shopping. god i never want to be independent.
hah. well, back to work. the one job i actually enjoy. i was stuck at the audio desk for a while because everyone seemed to have evaporated and left no trace of themselves. i think they were having a training or something. of course, this was after both violeta and winnie had promised to relieve me. but it was fine, because i was fascinated by my book at the time. and the janitors seem to be particularly friendly now. one of them, a new guy named aaron, seemed to have found my nametag (the only one with my name spelled correctly) which i had dropped somewhere, so that was good.
anyway, the thing that bothers me is that now that jamal doesn't work on sundays, there's no one to do the schedule calmly. so i took the opportunity to make a weekend schedule. usually i only do it on wednesdays. anyway, i learned that jamal really is a patient guy. there are just way too many people. plus, alice wouldn't let me type, and it's bad to keep me away from the keyboard for too long. she also wouldn't let me sit down. so then there were all these people that kept walking in and asking to be put on our precariously balanced schedule, which was a hellish experience to make, and i started being a bitch to people who pissed me off anyway, like david o. and david s....too many davids. so then i was in a bad mood for a few hours, mostly because i hated the tasks i had given myself. but then it lifted later in the day during our meeting...dar made us do a sort of roleplaying in which one person a visitor, one person an explainer, and two people to play those two's consciences. i got to be jay's conscience. :) which was fun.
i need good food that isn't junky. and thus i have to go grocery shopping. god i never want to be independent.
CURRENTNESS
listening: travis, _the invisible band_
reading: _zeno's paradoxes_
watched: _lucky numbers_
surfing: actually, i was just looking at my old webcast: http://www.exploratorium.edu/health/webcast_1_27.html
listening: travis, _the invisible band_
reading: _zeno's paradoxes_
watched: _lucky numbers_
surfing: actually, i was just looking at my old webcast: http://www.exploratorium.edu/health/webcast_1_27.html
lauantai, heinäkuu 7
SURVEY
i got this in the email. it's been like three years since i filled one of these out, so i might as well do it. i can just use it as my bio or something.
i am happiest when: i'm in a crowd with someone else. or with a bunch of people who don't really care what i'm like. strangers, or people who honestly don't judge, or don't show it, or make it obvious that they're judging me and telling me that.
i feel lonely when: everyone is out of town except me. or i'm at work alone in my office.
the ideal relationship would be: with someone who actually appreciates my existence and doesn't just flirt with me because i'm alive.
favorite movies: rushmore, cube, x-files: fight the future, being john malkovich
favorite authors: carl sagan. for the obvious reasons.
favorite musicians: radiohead, r.e.m., grandaddy
what makes you cry: bureaucracies
introvert or extrovert: depends on the situation. i'm an introvert who has no fear of large crowds of strangers.
do you think too much: i have too much time to think.
if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be: london, san francisco, new york, or in the middle of nowhere.
famous person you would like to meet: that's a hard one. all the famous people i'd like to meet are dead. i guess it woudl be fun to meet george w. bush if i won some sort of contest, so then i could show my disdain toward him and get him to really listen. not thathe would. he responded to my letter about greenhouse gases with something that said how important it was to study.
do you believe in organized religion: no
pro-life or pro-choice: vehemently pro-choice
are you a vegetarian: in spirit i am, but i can't give up chicken
do you support the death penalty: no
do angels or demons exist: personal ones
what would you most like to be doing right now: well, that's a good question. probably i'd like to be at a concert. those usually wake me up.
do you have any regrets: who doesn't?
sex or love: both
favorite coffee: the kind without coffee. i like coffee shops, but i hate coffee. maybe it's because my dad is an addict.
brand of cigarettes: i don't smoke
favorite scent: ocean water
what REALLY makes you mad: politicians, people who feel thatit's necessary to impose their constrictive beliefs on everyone
favorite way to waste time: playing snood, watching reruns of like, third rock and stuff
if you won $50,000,000 what would you do with it: is that $50 million? they should use scientific notation. knowing me, i'd probably go out and get this pair of boots i really like, and then go get some music i need. and i'd pay for someone to drive me around in a zero-emissions vehicle. and i'd be able to go to whatever college i wanted. and then i'd feel guilty and give some money to some charity. maybe i'd give some to seti and they'd name a telescope after me. :)
what is your best quality: i have one? probably...intelligence, beauty, personality...modesty. :) no, for realz...the ability to not fall asleep even when i'm really bored. respectfor boring people.
are you currently in love/lust: of course. with my imaginary boyfriend (™ tricycle) of whom i cannot reveal the true identity
what's the craziest thing you have ever done: the whole underwear incident. let's not go there.
any bad habits: i am one big ball of bad habits...compulsions. my most annoying is folding piece of paper into small bits.
do you find it hard to trust people: i am naive by nature.
do you ever doubt yourself: the question is, do i ever not doubt myself?
last book you read: i forget the title. it was a biography of alan turing.
last thing you bought for yourself: a movie ticket. a pack of gum.
bath or shower: shower
favorite season: they each have their own great qualities. i like winter though.
porn or erotica: erotica. it's more creative.
what is your favorite flavor: chocolate, of course.
what is your favorite time of day: 3 pm
gold or silver: silver
what is the lamest pickup line someone has used on you: i won a radio contest for this once. but really, anything that david o. has used on me.
silk sheets or cotton: cotton. i'm prone to slide off silk ones.
any secret crushes: yes. a whole long list of them.
do you ever feel you are insane: yes
favorite style of music: britpop
favorite film genre: it's not a genre, but movies made in the 60s or 70s, especially british movies made in those decades. i also like good sci-fi if it doesn't involve looking at someone's representation of aliens.
if you could be the opposite sex for one day, would you do it: yes
what do you desire most in life: to be understood. and to be really really famous.
do you believe in destiny: no
is world peace attainable: maybe.
city or country: city if it's a good city with culture, country if it's pretty and there's no one around.
i got this in the email. it's been like three years since i filled one of these out, so i might as well do it. i can just use it as my bio or something.
i am happiest when: i'm in a crowd with someone else. or with a bunch of people who don't really care what i'm like. strangers, or people who honestly don't judge, or don't show it, or make it obvious that they're judging me and telling me that.
i feel lonely when: everyone is out of town except me. or i'm at work alone in my office.
the ideal relationship would be: with someone who actually appreciates my existence and doesn't just flirt with me because i'm alive.
favorite movies: rushmore, cube, x-files: fight the future, being john malkovich
favorite authors: carl sagan. for the obvious reasons.
favorite musicians: radiohead, r.e.m., grandaddy
what makes you cry: bureaucracies
introvert or extrovert: depends on the situation. i'm an introvert who has no fear of large crowds of strangers.
do you think too much: i have too much time to think.
if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be: london, san francisco, new york, or in the middle of nowhere.
famous person you would like to meet: that's a hard one. all the famous people i'd like to meet are dead. i guess it woudl be fun to meet george w. bush if i won some sort of contest, so then i could show my disdain toward him and get him to really listen. not thathe would. he responded to my letter about greenhouse gases with something that said how important it was to study.
do you believe in organized religion: no
pro-life or pro-choice: vehemently pro-choice
are you a vegetarian: in spirit i am, but i can't give up chicken
do you support the death penalty: no
do angels or demons exist: personal ones
what would you most like to be doing right now: well, that's a good question. probably i'd like to be at a concert. those usually wake me up.
do you have any regrets: who doesn't?
sex or love: both
favorite coffee: the kind without coffee. i like coffee shops, but i hate coffee. maybe it's because my dad is an addict.
brand of cigarettes: i don't smoke
favorite scent: ocean water
what REALLY makes you mad: politicians, people who feel thatit's necessary to impose their constrictive beliefs on everyone
favorite way to waste time: playing snood, watching reruns of like, third rock and stuff
if you won $50,000,000 what would you do with it: is that $50 million? they should use scientific notation. knowing me, i'd probably go out and get this pair of boots i really like, and then go get some music i need. and i'd pay for someone to drive me around in a zero-emissions vehicle. and i'd be able to go to whatever college i wanted. and then i'd feel guilty and give some money to some charity. maybe i'd give some to seti and they'd name a telescope after me. :)
what is your best quality: i have one? probably...intelligence, beauty, personality...modesty. :) no, for realz...the ability to not fall asleep even when i'm really bored. respectfor boring people.
are you currently in love/lust: of course. with my imaginary boyfriend (™ tricycle) of whom i cannot reveal the true identity
what's the craziest thing you have ever done: the whole underwear incident. let's not go there.
any bad habits: i am one big ball of bad habits...compulsions. my most annoying is folding piece of paper into small bits.
do you find it hard to trust people: i am naive by nature.
do you ever doubt yourself: the question is, do i ever not doubt myself?
last book you read: i forget the title. it was a biography of alan turing.
last thing you bought for yourself: a movie ticket. a pack of gum.
bath or shower: shower
favorite season: they each have their own great qualities. i like winter though.
porn or erotica: erotica. it's more creative.
what is your favorite flavor: chocolate, of course.
what is your favorite time of day: 3 pm
gold or silver: silver
what is the lamest pickup line someone has used on you: i won a radio contest for this once. but really, anything that david o. has used on me.
silk sheets or cotton: cotton. i'm prone to slide off silk ones.
any secret crushes: yes. a whole long list of them.
do you ever feel you are insane: yes
favorite style of music: britpop
favorite film genre: it's not a genre, but movies made in the 60s or 70s, especially british movies made in those decades. i also like good sci-fi if it doesn't involve looking at someone's representation of aliens.
if you could be the opposite sex for one day, would you do it: yes
what do you desire most in life: to be understood. and to be really really famous.
do you believe in destiny: no
is world peace attainable: maybe.
city or country: city if it's a good city with culture, country if it's pretty and there's no one around.
LIFE
well, i still hate my feet. not only are they ugly, but they are really hurting me with their stupid blisters.
yesterday my mom left for the czech republic. karin is leaving tomorrow for camp. my dad is going to italy on monday. where am i going? mountain view, california. every day and back again. does this seem unfair? well, i suppose i got myself into it. i'm just worried that i'll get bored easily while everyone's away and that i'll get lonely. after all, one can only dance with the music turned up loud for so long.
why am i online in the morning? that's actually an excellent question. i woke up because there was light, and there was nothing on the radio and i had nothing to throw at my stero to get it to turn on. i really do have to get a new stereo at some point. i'd like one that at least has a remote control.
god, i hate my hair. i can see its reflection in my monitor right now. not that i've touched it today, because i haven't really showered or gotten dressed yet, but it's so fugly(™ brandon). it reminds me of the color of dead grass. like a fire hazard. my head is probably dangerous.
well, i still hate my feet. not only are they ugly, but they are really hurting me with their stupid blisters.
yesterday my mom left for the czech republic. karin is leaving tomorrow for camp. my dad is going to italy on monday. where am i going? mountain view, california. every day and back again. does this seem unfair? well, i suppose i got myself into it. i'm just worried that i'll get bored easily while everyone's away and that i'll get lonely. after all, one can only dance with the music turned up loud for so long.
why am i online in the morning? that's actually an excellent question. i woke up because there was light, and there was nothing on the radio and i had nothing to throw at my stero to get it to turn on. i really do have to get a new stereo at some point. i'd like one that at least has a remote control.
god, i hate my hair. i can see its reflection in my monitor right now. not that i've touched it today, because i haven't really showered or gotten dressed yet, but it's so fugly(™ brandon). it reminds me of the color of dead grass. like a fire hazard. my head is probably dangerous.
weak long vacation
i don't know what's gotten into me.
took the day off from my horrible job today. actually, it's gotten to be not-so horrible recently, but still i'm doing useless tasks. yesterday i was set off to walk back and forth across the campus a few times to go to the library to get a document, and when i returned, they had conveniently forgotten to ask me to get another thing, so i had to go back...of course, it turned out that both these documents were available online. this caused me to get some nasty blisters because my shoes don't like being worn without sox. they could have told me that the previous day, when i wore them the same fashion, but they caused me no trouble at all.
i have so much to enter. it's actually all in my written journal, but i have no time to type it right now. i'm actually really hungry, but it's midnight and i shouldn't eat, so i'll go to bed.
had...issues today. the reason i took the day off was so i could go to dmv and take the written driving test, but when i got there, the guy wanted a document that i didn't have and i don't hink iever got it, so i called my school to see if i could get a copy, and they implied that i couldn't...so i might have to wait for another few months until i'm old enough not to need to document. i really don't understand that, because driver's ed is really a useless course. i did all the reviewing in one day yesterday by rtfm and i learned as much as i did in reading the same thing over the course of 12 days in class. stupid bureaucracies.
after that i needed a form saying i was alive and not dying by from my doctor, so i went over to get that, but i needed an appointment and they couldn't deal with me during their lunch hour, which also happens to be when most people are free. but never mind convenience, or the ability to serve the public. that's not the point of HMOs.
by this time i was feeling particularly depressed and pathetic because if i couldn't take the fucking test, i'd never be able to drive, and then i was afraid that my parents would never let me leave the house. i hate driving, but really, i should get my license lest i become a housebound wife, which i should hope i'd never become. nothing against housewives, but that's not one of my real aspirations. anyway, i was sort of moping and almost crying on the bus...i probably looked like a real mess by that time, having just failed on my two missions of the day. i was sort of depressed like that for the rest of the day, and nothing was really going right...had some back problems at one point. i need a good ergonomic chair, for realz, because the one i use here at home is uncomfortable to an extreme.
i just need to sleep right now and keep telling myself that it's all due to pms.
i promise two reviews and a peek at a few stupid essays i've half-written. going to the moma tomorrow, which will be fun.
i don't know what's gotten into me.
took the day off from my horrible job today. actually, it's gotten to be not-so horrible recently, but still i'm doing useless tasks. yesterday i was set off to walk back and forth across the campus a few times to go to the library to get a document, and when i returned, they had conveniently forgotten to ask me to get another thing, so i had to go back...of course, it turned out that both these documents were available online. this caused me to get some nasty blisters because my shoes don't like being worn without sox. they could have told me that the previous day, when i wore them the same fashion, but they caused me no trouble at all.
i have so much to enter. it's actually all in my written journal, but i have no time to type it right now. i'm actually really hungry, but it's midnight and i shouldn't eat, so i'll go to bed.
had...issues today. the reason i took the day off was so i could go to dmv and take the written driving test, but when i got there, the guy wanted a document that i didn't have and i don't hink iever got it, so i called my school to see if i could get a copy, and they implied that i couldn't...so i might have to wait for another few months until i'm old enough not to need to document. i really don't understand that, because driver's ed is really a useless course. i did all the reviewing in one day yesterday by rtfm and i learned as much as i did in reading the same thing over the course of 12 days in class. stupid bureaucracies.
after that i needed a form saying i was alive and not dying by from my doctor, so i went over to get that, but i needed an appointment and they couldn't deal with me during their lunch hour, which also happens to be when most people are free. but never mind convenience, or the ability to serve the public. that's not the point of HMOs.
by this time i was feeling particularly depressed and pathetic because if i couldn't take the fucking test, i'd never be able to drive, and then i was afraid that my parents would never let me leave the house. i hate driving, but really, i should get my license lest i become a housebound wife, which i should hope i'd never become. nothing against housewives, but that's not one of my real aspirations. anyway, i was sort of moping and almost crying on the bus...i probably looked like a real mess by that time, having just failed on my two missions of the day. i was sort of depressed like that for the rest of the day, and nothing was really going right...had some back problems at one point. i need a good ergonomic chair, for realz, because the one i use here at home is uncomfortable to an extreme.
i just need to sleep right now and keep telling myself that it's all due to pms.
i promise two reviews and a peek at a few stupid essays i've half-written. going to the moma tomorrow, which will be fun.